Bonus: A Little Bit of Break and Taking a Pause
/As we enter into a season meant to be filled with light, love, & joy, I wanted to just acknowledge that this can also be a time filled with pressure, stress, and overwhelm. We take on a lot as parents during this time, and just in case no one has said this to you yet, it's ok, more than ok, it's GOOD, to say "no" to some things. To release traditions that feel confining, to embrace slowing down, doing less, and savoring more, and to pause what needs to so that you can be fully present with yourself and your family.
That's exactly why, for the first time since starting The Balanced Parent Podcast, I'm taking a few weeks off from publishing new episodes. After this week, for the rest of December, I'm going to be slowing down, spending a bit more time with my family. Before the break however I did want to leave you with one last episode. This episode contains a short, guided visualization and meditation that I hope will support you in slowing down and coming back to yourself over the next few weeks. I'm including it here simply because I know that the upcoming weeks may be stressful and overwhelming for some families, and it may be difficult to find a moment to pause and gain some perspective, peace, and compassion for yourself. I hope that you find it helpful and come back to it whenever you need it. If you like this sort of thing, let me know and we can do more of this!
We will return with new episodes in January when we turn our attention back to my annual Play Challenge. I'll be sharing details about that soon. If you have any specific hopes or requests for the play challenge, I would LOVE to hear them. I'm hoping to do some revamping, so your feedback would be super helpful! Just hit a comment if you have thoughts or send me a message at laura@laurafroyen.com!
TRANSCRIPT
Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.
Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!
Hello! This is Dr. Laura Froyen and for the next couple of weeks, during the month of December. we're going to be taking a little bit of a break from The Balanced Parent podcast. I've never taken a break before on this podcast. I've made put out an episode at least one if not more a week for over a year and a half now, and it's been so much fun but I am finding that at this point in time, during this month December, when my kids are busy with things at school and I'm finding the need to pause and be a little bit more present in my own life, that it's time for me to take a little break. So that's what we're doing. I want to leave you just before the break with a very brief meditation that will happen here in this episode.
I'm putting it here just because I know that the next couple of weeks can be a lot for some families. They can be overwhelming and they can be stressful and it can be really hard to find a way to pause in the midst of that and get a little bit of objectivity and a little bit of peace and compassion for yourself. So, I want to offer this meditation as a tool that you can use any time you need it, especially over these next few weeks and then we will be back with new episodes in the month of January. As we once again direct our focus to play. If you're looking for an opportunity to engage in the 30 days of play challenge, I'll be putting out information about that soon. So please stay tuned. Alright, I'll see you after a break in the new year and I'll be ready to, renewed and ready to focus on play with you until then. I hope that this meditation serves you well and I'm sending you lots of love and compassion and light during this season. Be well.
Okay, find a comfortable position now and we are going to be exploring how we can slow down our thoughts in the midst of a difficult or challenging moment and step into a more nonjudgmental and compassionate presence with ourselves. I want you to start by finding a comfortable position and letting your eyes softly come to close if that feels safe for your body, and finding a gentle breath. And we're going to start focusing on making our out breath a little bit longer than our in breath. So breathing in for 4, 2, 3, 4, and out for 6,2,3,4, 5, 6. In 2, 3, 4. Out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. In 2, 3, 4. Out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Introducing a small pause in between your in breath and your out breath, breathing in for four, holding for four and then out for six. In 2, 3, 4. Hold 2, 3, 4. Out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. In 2, 3, 4. Out hold 2, 3, 4. Out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Releasing that now and allowing your breath to return to a more natural state, no longer exhale, is soothing to the nervous system and can bring us quickly from a kind of an activated state into a more relaxed state, which is where we wanna be right now. We can be very emotionally reactive at times as human beings, especially when we're hurting. The practice of mindfulness is about observing the present moment and our awareness of that present moment without judging without labeling without giving a sense that something is good or bad or right or wrong. And just noticing what is the practice of being non judgmentally aware also can help us know that our thoughts are not us and that our thoughts about something are simply judgments and not actual truth.
And over time if we practice becoming aware of our judgments and when we are engaging in the act of judging, we can become more compassionate towards ourselves. We can become kinder to towards ourselves. And we can become less reactive because most of the time it's actually the judgments that we are reacting to the interpretations of the situations we're in, rather than the actual thing that we're going through. So to practice this, I'm going to have you do a visualization with me. This is something that you can practice regularly as a preventative measure to build your muscles. You're kind of, to condition yourself to be less judgmental and more present moment, aware and more compassionate in the moment. But it's also something that you can practice in the moment when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed or feeling any strong emotion that you are identifying quite a lot with and that is causing a great deal of discomfort.
So as you're sitting here with a closed eyes and open heart and mind I want you to visualize yourself floating gently down a river. You're safe. You're well cared for, nothing can harm you here. You're floating in this river. And as you're floating, I want you to think about a time maybe recently. Maybe not the biggest time in the recent past. But a time where you were experiencing some heightened emotions, particularly heightened negative emotions, stress or overwhelm conflict with a loved one. And again, don't pick the biggest one, we're going to start small and we'll bring that to mind. And as you bring it to mind, notice how the pace of the flow of the river that you're in goes faster. Maybe start swirling a little bit, reminding yourself that you're still safe, but the water is picking up. Perhaps there are some rapids coming.
You might notice in the waves and water that is flowing by you. Words and thoughts that you say to yourself that you might have in the midst of these hard or stressful moments. Notice them floating by. And notice the quality that they have. Are they facts? Are they interpretations? Are you labeling what's happening as good or bad? Are there fears within them? Are you judging yourself the situation? How you're handling the situation? Other people involved? Just noticing this and noticing as you contemplate this difficult situation, how fast the water starts to move? how quickly the thoughts can swirl? And in this moment as you're floating down this river as it's speeding up. You see ahead, a gentle shore. But you can quite easily catch and climb out of to york landing on a gentle shore to the river, a nice soft sandy patch that allows you to crawl out of the river and sit safely and calmly on the bank.
There's a warm blanket or towel there to wrap up in. And you're able to just see the thoughts floating by the swirl of stress or anxiety or overwhelmed. The raging waters that you just crawled out of and you're knowing that you are safe on the side of the river with this little bit of distance, you're able to see more clearly. But the thoughts that were floating by you that were swirling might be interpretations, might be judgments, might represent a tendency to interpret things in a certain way, might be reactions that aren't grounded in truth or fact. And from the bank, you're able to notice them. And notice that they're floating away, on down the river. There they go.
You can notice them without feeling attached to them. You can notice them without feeling caught up in them. You can notice them without feeling as if you are them or they are you. There's some separation as you expand your awareness. You look around and you notice too. You're not the only one sitting out on the bank looking at the swirling river in front of you. All along the side of the river. There are people who are pulling themselves out and taking a look at the swirling waters just like you. They've been caught up in the river of their thoughts from time to time. Just like you, they face stressful moments and hard times. None of us are alone in this.
Just like you, they have a tendency to be harsh with themselves or critical or judge themselves and just like you, they're trying to be kind and just like you. The deserving of self kindness. From your place on the bank of the river, notice now some golden light starting to shine upon the river and as this light travels down the river. You're noticing that the water is calming down, starting to slow. And instead of the swirls of words and judgments, there are simply words for what is. To recall the situation that left you feeling overwhelmed and notice the words that would simply describe it. I had a disagreement. I had a hard time without judgments or labels. We were late for school. I didn't know what to make for dinner. I lost my temper. I spoke in a voice. I didn't want to use, without harshness without labels, just what is.
My golden light of truth and reality is allowing the water to slow and allowing you to see the situation more clearly. Now placing a hand over your heart, allowing yourself a little bit of comfort and ease and grace to feel your way into your heart. I know that this place on the bank of the river, your beautiful river of life is available to you. Just around the bend in any hard situation. There is a place for you to crawl out of the river, a warm blanket of love and compassion waiting for you and the ability to see any situation clearly through the eyes and the glow of this loving compassion. None of us are alone. Our experiences are not just ours, but humanity's and when we get a little bit of space, we're able to release that judgment and see ourselves in the situation more clearly. And that place is available to you.
Taking a few nice breaths, we're going to be coming back to ourselves, back out into the room. And I'd like you for a moment to just take a few minutes right now. Take out a piece of paper or a journal and write down what that experience was like for you. Take a few minutes just to write down what you noticed, what some of the thoughts were that were swirling in your river. What some of the thoughts or observations were when you were releasing judgment and labeling and just being present with what is and write down any words of comfort you might offer yourself in a similar situation in the future. So take a few minutes now to do that.
Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from.
And if you're listening, grab a screenshot and tag me on Instagram so that I can give you a shout out um and definitely go follow me on Instagram. I'm @laurafroyenphd. That's where you can get behind the scenes. Look at what balanced, conscious parenting looks like in action with my family and plus I share a lot of other, really great resources there too.
All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this!