Episode 182: How to Slow Down For a More Peaceful Life with Stephanie O'Dea
/On this week’s episode of the Balanced Parent Podcast, I will be joined by Stephanie O’Dea, New York’s bestselling author and the host of Slow Living Podcast. We will dive into the profound theme of purpose, slowing down, and living an intention-filled life.
Here’s an overview of what we discussed:
Stephanie’s journey into slow living and parenting
Exploring the acronym for SLOW (Simply Look Only Within)
5 Steps to Living a Slow Life
If you enjoyed listening to Stephanie’s insight into slowing down, follow her on Facebook @stephanieodea, Instagram @stephanieodea, and her websites stephanieodea.com and ayearofslowcooking.com.
Embrace the SLOW acronym—Simply Look Only Within—and consider incorporating Stephanie's five steps to living a slow life into your journey.
Resources:
Slow Living Book (Scheduled for release in fall 2024)
TRANSCRIPT
Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.
Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!
Laura: Hello, everybody. This is Doctor Laura Froyen and on this week's episode of the Balanced Parent Podcast, I'm really excited to be digging into the topic of purpose, slowing down and living a life, with intention and to help me with this conversation, I am bringing in Stephanie O'Dea. She is the New York Times best selling author of The Slow of, oh gosh, what is the name of your book Stephanie?
Stephanie: That's okay. So I've, I've done. No, no, you're good and you have a cold and the fact that you're here with me bright and early in the morning is amazing and wonderful. And I think you're fantastic. I am, I'm in New York Times best selling author of Crockpot Cookbooks because that makes sense right?
Laura: No, no, but no. I, I love that because you got started with, with your Slow Cooker, right? And now you have this beautiful podcast, Slow Living, which I love and have listened to so much and I love this idea of slowing down. I'm so glad that we're going to be talking about this topic today. So, Stephanie, why don't you just tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do and then we'll dive in.
Stephanie: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think we have a lot of overlaps. I know you've got baby girls. I've got baby girls and I, when I kind of launched into my parenting career, I wanted to be with them more than not be with them. But we live in the Silicon Valley and I needed to work. And so I, on paper, it looked great. I was running preschool centers and my kids could come to work with me. But the youngest at the time, and I only had two at the time, she kept getting sporadically sick. So I thought it was daycare germs and I quit right on the spot. And my husband who is amazing, but he's also an engineer and likes math and spreadsheets is like, yeah, no, we, we, we need to find a way to still make money. So I am, I started writing online and I started doing some freelance writing and I had the idea to start a crockpot blog because I liked the, the tight seo search engine optimization of a recipe site, but I am not a good cook and I really just like the crock pot. And so I would plop the food in and, and I made this New Year's resolution to use my crock pot every day for a year and write about it online and it took off, it it completely and totally took off and at the end of the year, money was coming in. I was able to stay home with my babies. We realized that my youngest at the time it's totally fine now. But she had celiac disease, which is a gluten intolerance and it just wasn't as prevalent in 2006. Like, we didn't know that this was a thing then and it just kind of seems silly now. But I was talking to my brother because he has two year old and a four year old and he was going down the slide and without even thinking, I said, watch his legs, don't break his legs. He's like, I know, and I'm like, the issue is, is I have, I have a 20 year old and, and we didn't know we didn't have the internet to tell us all this stuff.
So it was the moms on the playground talking to each other then. But, but now it just seems so ridiculous that my silly little site was the first crockpot site. But it was, and so it just sort of took off and then right around 2016, the instant pot hit the market and I was really pressured ha ha ha, pressured by my publisher and, and I know an agent to translate all my recipes. And so I bought an instant pot and I get it, I get the tech of how cool it is to cook a frozen chicken in 45 minutes, but it's not how my brain works. My brain, I'm an early riser. I wanna put stuff on, push a button and then never have to enter the kitchen again for the rest of the day. And, and so I just didn't like, I didn't like it and I felt really phony baloney. And so I had this kind of like voice of God being like so Steph just because you can do things fast, it doesn't mean you should. And I realized that that's sort of been the metaphor of my whole life without even knowing it. And so that's how the Slow Living podcast came to be. And, and what I do now, which is to write, coach, teach and speak about all things slow living. And that's how I got to know you because a lot of the way you parent and teach really overlaps to what I was doing.
And I was just doing it by trial and error of what feels good. And so it's nice to know that there's actually science behind, behind all of the things and, and I'm, I'm happy to say my kids are older now, so they're, they're 20, 19 and then the baby is 13, but we've kind of come full circle that, that my 20 year old and, and 19 year old is like, you know what mom, you, you, you did it right? Like, like I feel, I feel good. Like, like those choices you made, like, like, like when you're in the middle of it, you don't know, you're making the right choice until after the fact of what feels good. And I'm just thankful, like, okay, we didn't over schedule you. And that was a good thing, even though the mom down the street made me feel like I was an idiot for not pushing Kumon, on my kids.
Laura: Yeah. Okay. So that, I mean, I want to dig into all of those things. I just wanna validate for you though that in trusting your intuition, you found your way to the right space for your family. And I think that that's something that's so important that we are inundated as modern parents with information and the, you know, quote right way to do things and learning how to listen, how to tune into yourself, to slow down and really ask yourself, okay so what is my core belief here? What is it that I really feel is important for my family, for me, for my kids who are my children, who am I? You know, how do we need to move through this world correctly? Learning how to do that slow down and really tune in, I mean, it is huge and all of the research out, you know, in the world can't replicate that sense of inner knowing and rightness, you know? So I just, I, I really, you know, whenever I work with, with families, I, I understand that I'm gonna come into their life for a small period of time, walk beside them. And my hope is that they come away from that time knowing how to tune in, how to listen to themselves, how to be their own kind of source of wisdom, of inner wisdom, you know. And I think that you are similar in that.
Stephanie: I am, it's, it's really funny because I was actually joking with a friend of mine because I coach in a very similar fashion that I don't want people to need me.
Laura: Exactly. I feel like that's what the coach is doing.
Stephanie: I know it's probably horrible business models.
Laura: I agree. I, I start with, I start with them like, so you really don't need me, need me. Like I'm happy to help you. But, but yeah, when you take the time to slow down and really ask yourself open ended questions and then go quiet, your, your subconscious bubbles up with what the next right step is gonna be. And, and if you take to the internet or, or you go on TikTok or any of these, like quick fixes, it's a dopamine hit but it's not answering your core inner like, like belly like, like what do I need here? And you're not going to find the answer on tiktok. You're just not.
Laura: Yeah, I mean, you can find really great little tips and scripts, you know. But they aren't, they're, they're a placeholder. They're a band aid. They're not the, the truth that your gut and your body knows.
Stephanie: Yeah. And, and it's tricky and it's tricky. And I get the irony that you and I are recording this over the internet and I wouldn't have met you without social media. Like, like I am no saint I, I, I really am not. I, I truly am a real person and I also don't believe in one size fits all advice. So I believe in, in taking it in and then slowing down and, and filtering it.
Laura: Filtering, yeah.
Stephanie: Yeah, I love the acronym for SLOW which is simply look only within and, and again that those answers you're seeking are not going to be found in a social media reel. They're just not, take advice and, and then tune it out for a while. I love journaling. So start journaling and then asking like, okay, so, so what is it, what is it deep down inside? What is my definition of success? What, what does a healthy, happy kid look like? The kind of kid who when they go away to college is gonna remember these kind of like life lessons that you've, you've hopefully imparted on them through throughout their years. I, I, I think sometimes it, it's, I don't know, like the best way to have well adjusted teenagers is to have well adjusted toddlers and, and you're just kind of constantly building on the same ethics and morals and teachings and don't do drugs and, and all of this stuff that you start at a very, very young age.
Laura: Yeah. And I, I think, you know, you know, so, I, I, I would love to have this conversation. So I feel like when we think about purpose and success, we can be thinking about our definition of like, like focusing on ourselves when we feel successful as parents, as, you know, as entrepreneurs, you know, and how we define success for ourselves. And then there's also this piece of how do we define it for our kids. And, and there's, I mean, there's a lot of there can be, if we're not careful, there can be a lot of overlap there. When our kids are successful, we feel successful, you know. And so I would love to just have a conversation. I've been thinking about this a lot around how we are offered a definition of success by culture. And how do we go about redefining that for ourselves? Now, as adults, you know, I my, I have a pretty winding path. I'm giving a talk at the local university in a couple days on, on my career trajectory to undergrads who have a similar degree to mine. And I'm feeling a little, you know, because it's so I, I went the path I was supposed to go. I got in, you know, all straight A's, high test scores, good college, you know, with a famous name and realized once I got there that I had no idea who I was or what I was doing, I, I continued to push myself and find, to find things that I love, but at the same time was very defined by traditional success.
I ended up getting a PHD along the way. And I had this moment when my, my youngest was probably three months old, I had been in a car accident while I was pregnant and I just couldn't bring myself to care anymore about my research, my program of research about the, you know, the papers I was supposed to be writing. I, I just, I really, my, like my purpose, my, I knew I needed to change my definition of success. So now that kiddo is eight now and I feel like I've just been continually like breaking it down for a long time. It doesn't, it was not overnight, you know, of what does it mean now that I'm not an academic? What does it mean? You know? So now I have this podcast, I have this business and, and they, you know, when things my life got a little rocky this past year with one of my kiddos and we're on the other side, it's, she has her autism diagnosis. We are in such a better place. But I really had to step back and, you know, I was in reading your book, I, there's this part at the beginning where you talk about what your clients tell you, they would rather be doing gardening, baking, painting, going for walks, yoga. And I was like, that was like my list and like, is it okay for me to want those things? Like, is it okay for me to not have some bigger purpose in life? You know, that I'm supposed to change the world, you know, and I think we grow up thinking we're supposed to have this big purpose and be these super successful people. And what if we just want a slow and simple life? Is that okay?
Stephanie: Yes. Yeah. It, it's, it's really tricky. I wish I could hug you right now because you are doing all of the right things and we are programmed at a very early age because we're put into this box of school and, and in order to get gold stars in kindergarten, you've got to sit quietly and put a bubble in your mouth and raise your hand and stand in line. And that's how you win in kindergarten. And then in, in high school it's what's going to be on the test and, and you're only gonna learn what you're going to be tested on and then it absolutely and definitely through academia it, it's do this and then you get this and do this and then you get this and, and the path has been created for you by so this is where I get mean and nasty. But I always envision a group of white men sitting in a walnut flanked office and, and huge boardroom table deciding what people are going to learn. And this is how they will quote unquote, succeed in life. And, and, and maybe that's really, I don't know, cynical of me, but that is how I envision, like, quote unquote successes is a whole bunch of white men in suits deciding what that means for me. And when you're an adult, like, and when you're out of school, like, like you're just, oh, like you're just on your own now and, and I absolutely felt very floundery and, and, like, vulnerable, like, ok, well, now what do I do? Like, like in order to be a good mom? Like, like, what are the markers here? And you're right. I mean, it, it turns into like, this weird psycho competition that you're a better mom because your six month old can sit up unassisted than that six-month-old like.
Laura: It’s wild. But it's there. It's true. Yeah.
Stephanie: And, and how, how you're feeding your baby is somehow one way is better than another way and how you're sleeping and how you're swaddling and, and whether or not you can afford the expensive car seat and I gotta tell you it's all gonna be okay and, and, and, and I I love kind of the idea of unplugging it all and going back to the roots and thinking about it. Okay. Well, well, let's think about the pioneers, like, like what did they do? They, they fed the children and they, they did what was right for them as a family and they literally didn't know what the people on the next plot of land were doing because they were only focused within, they were only focused on their own little nuclear family and, and it's tricky because we're so hyper connected right now. But I teach the five steps to slow living and number one is to declutter and, and get rid of all of the stuff that doesn't serve you and isn't making you feel good about yourself and your family and, and maybe it is taking a break from social media, maybe it is stop going to church for a while if the people at church are are shiny, perfect, happy step for type people and they're making you feel bad about themselves. But you don't know, you don't know if really there was World War 27 in the house that morning because the French braid had to be perfect like you, you don't know.
Laura: I would. Yeah. You know, I would just love to bring in some like some grace and compassion too for all of us who are parenting in this time. This like you said, this hyper connected time where we think we know what's going on in someone else's house. You know, because we're, we're looking at their Instagram stories, you know, so we think we know them and we don't, and, and it's, and there's, there is so much pressure on us to, you know, the, you know, maybe 100 years ago we were looking at our neighbors, you know, and now we're looking at everyone across the world and comparing and, you know, my one of my favorite ideas is that comparison is the thief of joy. It's one of my mom's too. It's funny that she, we both have that without talking about each about it with each other. But I do feel like I got that from her. Anyway, but I, I think it's really hard for us not to compare. I just, I feel like we are so inundated. And so I just want it for all the listeners who are listening in on this conversation right now, I just, I want you to know that it makes sense if you have found yourself caught up in the comparison game. If you found yourself a disheartened or feeling like you don't measure up or it's never enough. It, it makes sense that that's been your experience. And so with lots of self compassion, you know, Stephanie is offering a another way to be thinking about these things. So the decluttering I love that you brought in, you're bringing in these five steps though. Declutter is a first and we're not just talking about declutter physical things, right or the cluttering practices that.
Stephanie: I mean, you most certainly can. But, but it's interesting because I don't want you to like declutter with a hefty bag and then haphazardly just be in a bad mood and throw everything away because that's not mindful and purposeful.
Laura: No, yeah.
Stephanie: So, so, so pay attention to that. And, and then number two is know where you're going and kind of know where your end goal is. And that a lot is because of how we were programmed in school. Like, like what's the next step? What's the next step? But what I would like for you to do is when you're calm and in a good mood, kind of jot down some ideas of what success looks like for you. What does an organized life look like and feel like and, and write down some adjectives and some things and then hold that off and then in teeny tiny baby steps, which is three, you're, you're just kind of making little incremental switches and changes. So, so maybe for time management, me in the future gets up an hour before my kids get up and, and maybe I'm not there yet because I still really like staying up late. So maybe, maybe for a month, it's 15 minutes earlier and then 30 minutes earlier, I think we are so sold on the, I don't know, have six pack abs in the next 10 days.
Laura: Yeah do it now, right now, make all the changes.
Stephanie: Yeah, do it now. And, yeah, and, and just have the ideal and then teeny tiny little baby steps towards it and then, and then four is as much as you can stay present and, and stay positive and know that you'll get there when you get there and, and it's just fine. And then back to your comparison is the thief of joy. I think that's Thomas Jefferson. But I don't know.
Laura: I don't know or Roosevelt maybe. I don't know. I don't know.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah. Well, maybe they just, well, so that's the interesting idea is I is, I really do. And this is, again, why I'm not the best marker in the world is there I don't think there's any new ideas. There's, there's solid core beliefs that, that, that change over time and, and get modernized over time. But, you know, deep down inside what the next best thing to do is for your health and, and the next best thing might be for the relationships you have in your life. And, and, and again, you're not gonna find that on social media, you're gonna find that within and then step five just to round it out in case anybody's paying attention is, is to tweak and, and to fine tune and, and filter it out in a way that makes sense to you and your family because if, if we were all the same and there was a perfect prescription. We would all look the same talk the same. We would, we would be Stepford cookie cutter like versions and, and that's not real and that's not what you want for yourself. You want your kids to have your own, their own identity, you want you to have your own identity. So in yoga, they tell you to keep your eyes on your own mat because when, well, you're gonna fall over if you, if you don't, and, and then in school kids are constantly being told to keep their eyes on their own paper. So if you have that idea of just doing the next best thing for you and not worrying about anyone else, I think you'll immediately feel calmer and unless like you're behind. And that's where that kind of hustle culture and mentality comes from is that pressure that somebody has all the answers and is doing it better than you. And that's just not true. That's marketing.
Laura: Yeah. And, and, and, and it's not true and, and it's also okay, right? So it's okay if your neighbors, kids are in an activity every night and they can already play a sonata on the piano and, you know, they are, you know, I, that's okay for them and it doesn't have to mean anything about you. It doesn't have to mean anything about you or your kids. My kids are in a phase in their life where they want literally no after school activities, we come home from school every day and they play and that's all they do. They read a little bit and they play, maybe the one practices, you know, their, their violin maybe. But that's it. You know, and, and I get, I mean, definitely the thought enters my head. Should they be doing more? Should I be having them in lessons? Shouldn't they be in voice lessons or? You know, one's such a beautiful singer, you know, shouldn't she get back into gymnastics? And I have to then have a sit down conversation with myself where I say my kids are learning how to tune in and listen much earlier than you did. I had to learn how to do that as an adult. They're learning how to do that now they're learning to tune in and say it's too much going to school is enough and all I wanna do is play after school. They're learning how to do that. And that's a beautiful thing for an 8and an 11 year old to be able to do. I mean, gosh, I don't, I honestly know very few adults who on a regular basis know how to just tune in and listen.
Stephanie: Yeah. Well, and it's, and it's, you're teaching proper boundary setting. Just because you get invited to all the birthday parties doesn't mean you have to go to all of the birthday parties and if if your body is tired, honor your body and you're absolutely right because learning that lesson at a young age means when you're in your thirties and forties, you already have those boundaries in place and, and you don't have that kind of, there's too much to do and not enough time to do it feeling that that most of the people who reach out to me have. So, yes, absolutely. And then I also want to to circle back around. Do you and give you gold stars when you were talking about at kind of the markers of what a, a good parent is. And how you are your own person and your child is your own person, their own person and what they can and can't do isn't a reflection of you and, and it's tricky and I, and I know you, you have this autism diagnosis and I work right now in an elementary school and I just wish I could hug all the parents that it just is what it is, it just is what it is. And, and, and there's no right way or no wrong way and, and it's not because you did this or that or, or you ate nuts when you were pregnant and that's why they have a nut allergy. Like, like, so it just, it is what it is.
Laura: Yeah, there's this way of acceptance. Yeah. And not just acceptance, you know, like affirm affirming the, the truth of our kids, you know, so our autism diagnose, you know, my daughter's autism diagnosis has been hugely positive for us. She has really claimed that identity. She has, you know, out and proud talks about it with everyone she meets as you know, been super happy for me to talk about it on my podcast. She's just delighted to know that there's nothing wrong with her.
Stephanie: There's nothing wrong. Yeah. So, so that's why I think this generation of parents is so much better than the previous because it just is what it is.
Laura: It just is what it is
Stephanie: Like, it just is what it just is, what it is. I, I, many people didn't start reading until third grade and it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them and I'm just making stuff up right now. But I know, for me as a parent, it always made me very uncomfortable when someone would congratulate me for my child's success. Like, oh, so, and so graduated high school and then they come to me and they're like, congratulations and like, I just fed them and watered them. Like, like they did the hard work, like, like, like it's on them or if they have a failure or if they, they make some sort of life choice. That isn't what you I, I wanna say agree. But, but there's no shame and, and I wish that just, we could shine a light on all of that, that we're all just human around trying to be the best humans we can be and sometimes we make mistakes and, and it's okay and, and own them and if you've hurt some of these feelings, apologize. But, but there's, there's nothing that's completely and totally perfect and, and I like that you talk so much about balance because I think sometimes people think of balance as walking across a tight rope and you have to do it this way and only this way or you're gonna fall off and, and that's not real because you can, you can just crawl over like, like you'll get there. It's fine.
Laura: Yeah. And I mean, and it's, you know what you were talking about earlier with the tweaking. I mean, that's what balance is, is constant tweaking. It's, and, and I mean, your book in your book, you talk about how your purpose should, should shift over time that we are not these people carved in stone, who we are at 20 is different than who we are at 30 who we are at 40 we're allowed to be to grow and change. There's a reason why we think about development as lifespan development because we are growing and changing over time. And so it's okay for you to be making those tweaks along the way for what you felt really passionately about in your twenties to be very different than what you feel passionately about at 40. And that and that those things are okay those speaks and, you know, and having a season in your life where you're really pouring into one aspect of, of your life and then another season where you're able to dedicate more to another. Like it's, it's okay for that to be the truth, you know, to be how it is in your life.
Stephanie: Yeah. No, absolutely. It's interesting. So, so you read an advanced copy of a book that's not even out yet. So you read it before. No, no, you're good. I like this because again, hashtag marketing, my publisher will love this. So, so the Slow Living book will come out in the fall of what, what year are we? Is this 23? Okay, so in the fall of 24. I know, I’m not myself.
Laura: Oh, thanks for letting me read early.
Stephanie: Well, I, I'm, I'm thrilled that it resonated with you and that it's kind of coming full circle of talking about passion and purpose and stepping away from hustle culture because I think we were sort of like preached upon that you have to make money from your passion and purpose and you're doing it wrong if work feels like work and not play. So I know Warren Buffett said that a perfect life is when work is something that you tap dance to every day and it doesn't feel like work. And it's okay, it's okay to not have all of your needs met by work and, and, and separate that. So, for instance, when you're talking about the different seasons. Sometimes I have passions like putting together a fairy garden or relandscaping the backyard, but I'm not making money from that. And it's okay. And in writing this book was I poured my heart and soul into it and, and I love every bitty bit of it and it probably will do okay. And it probably will make a little bit of money. But I'm still going to keep my day job. And I'm, and I'm not gonna, like, go all in on something and then trust that the money will follow because I think that's when you feel like you're doing it wrong. So if you went to school for a certain thing and now you've got a job and your job pays the bills and your, and your job is, is funding future retirement and it's paying maybe into 529 for a kids college. But you're thinking you're a little bored and you don't want to do this anymore. Okay, but slow down and please don't haphazardly, like, quit on the spot to go knit hats for dogs down on the beach. Like, like, like there has to be a happy me like you can do, but it doesn't have to be either or.
Laura: Yeah, I, you know, I do. So I think we're both in the, in the mom world, you know, online a lot and I think that there is a huge message out there that, you know, moms can retire your husband, you know, retire your husband and, you know, have these online businesses. And I really feel like there's, you know, there's a great podcast called Duped: The Dark Side of Online Marketing.
Stephanie: And that sounds like right up my alley.
Laura: Yeah, I think you would love it.
Stephanie: Kind of poking apart internet influencers because I've been online so much. A lot of people that used to, like, have, like all of this like marital advice, their marriage crumbled and all of these stuff.
Laura: No, no, I know. I mean.
Stephanie: It sounds really mean of me and I'm not like no, but I'm not poking fun. But also you, you have to be humble.
Laura: We have, well, we have this insight on being kind on, on the other side of, of having we're marketed to, right? So you and I are marketed to by business and entrepreneur coaches, right? So we're marketed to and we get sold, you know, that we can have these big flourishing businesses and retire our husbands and, and, and it really isn't true. It's very rare that those things happen and you often have to do things that don't feel good, you know. You know, so I, I feel very strongly, I'm a terrible marketer because I'm incredibly ethical in my marketing, which means, you know, and that's just how it is.
Stephanie: Right, you’re never going to say, get, get six pack abs in the next 10 days.
Laura: Or like take this course and they'll fix all of your parenting troubles, like that's not real, that doesn't like that isn't, that's not real like that, doesn't your parenting troubles will not go away. Your kids will always have meltdowns over things like, you know. And you.
Stephanie: And in the middle of the meltdown, you will always be beating yourself up in your brain and wondering if you're doing it right? Am I creating trauma and will they end up in therapy?
Laura: Yes, RIght. So those things don't go away. It's about how you are in them, how you navigate them, how, how, how you stay in relationship and connection in the midst of those hard times. So the hard times will be there, you know?
Stephanie: Yeah. So it's, it's interesting because I had success with the Crockpot site and I ended up on the phone with the CEO of a very like, well known, like self help personal development brand and I'm not gonna name who it was, but he wanted me to write a, how to book on, on how to recreate my success. But I knew at the time I started the first Crockpot site and it had really tight seo because they also were gluten free recipes. And even in the course of my year of doing it, I could see my own recipes being stolen and, and repackaged and repurposed. So all these other sites started. So I had luck and I know I had luck. The only thing I did write really was I followed my gut and my intuition, which literally is the only thing I'm telling here is slow down. Follow your gut. Follow your intuition.
Laura: Yes. Exactly.
Stephanie: Which I believe it. But I never felt so bad about myself is when I read Tim Ferris' four hour work week because everything he said I should be doing, I was not doing and yet I had this success, but I wasn't doing it his way. So I kind of plummeted into this like, gosh stuff. You're just an idiot because you don't, this guy knows way more than you. And I don't think he does and, and, and, and.
Laura: I’m glad you came out the other side of that.
Stephanie: I, I Yes, absolutely. Well, and it's funny because later I've heard interviews of him talking about how he was actually in a really dark place and he should have had therapy and he should have done a bunch of things. So it came full circle. But another resource that acknowledges luck and you probably read it is the psychology of money when it like Bill Gates points out that yes, he created Microsoft in garage. But he was very lucky because of all of these different things. And, and when, if you're in the market for a coach or, or anything, run it through a filter of, is this real, is this a scam? Is this just a, a, a get rich kind of thing that, that, that the lizard part of my brain is just snapping at because I'm feeling desperate right now and, and I want you to be, to be thoughtful and really think about, what you're clicking on and, and what will serve you in the long run. Not just this kind of quick fix dopamine hit because that, that's what makes you feel bad. And, and really, let's think about retiring your husband. Love Adam. We've been married 25 years. I think he's great. This morning I'm trying to set up to get ready to record with you and he's in my space and he's talking to me about Christmas lists and I'm like, dude, go round out on like, like you're in my, you're in my space like you're supposed to be on the treadmill right now because that's how I planned my day and, and so to really think about.
Laura: Yeah, I mean, I, I love what.
Stephanie: What you’re being served.
Laura: Yeah, I, I love what you're saying too that we don't have, you know, I had to, I, so I, I grew up with two parents. They were both teachers, one for whom teaching, she loved teaching, she loved working with kids, but it was not her identity. And my dad's identity was as a teacher and he was an award winning teacher, you know, invited to the White House Science Teacher of the year, you know, excellent teacher, but that was his identity. And it was really interesting to watch them retire and to watch my dad's retirement versus my mom. My mom's retirement, she's doing art classes. She's volunteering. I mean, she's doing all sorts of just fun pleasure stuff. My dad is still, you know, it, I mean, it is very, very active but he's involved in lots of things that again, build his identity and build his ego. And it's just interesting to watch those two, you know, watch that trajectory happen. And my, you know, so my husband, he's a professor and he does not feel passionately about his work. It's his job. You know, he's an accounting professor. He researches accounting, he researches taxes, which seems crazy that you can research that. But that's what he does and it's his job. His passions are ice fishing and golfing and his kids and family and hanging out with us and he's just so relaxed about it and I feel so much angst about, about, about it, you know, like I feel so much more angst than he does about. Like, I don't, I have to have a job that I feel passionate and purposeful about, you know, but I think that's because I watched my dad go through all of that, you know, go through that in his life. And I, I don't, I sometimes I just want to bake and paint.
Stephanie: Yeah.
Laura: Yeah.
Stephanie: Okay. And, and I would tell you that you can do both.
Laura: I know right. Like I can do both.
Stephanie: So both and, yeah, so, I mean, we’re recording this and then you can, you can go bake.
Laura: I am super passionate about child development too. I'm super passionate and nerdy about those things, you know, and, and it doesn't always have to be, you know, like I just, I don't have, I don't, I guess, I don't know. I'm looking for permission to just want simple and slow. Is that okay Stephanie? Can you give me permission?
Stephanie: I am happy to give you permission. But also if your needs are met, your needs are met like, like there's milk in the fridge and you're paying your electricity bill and you've got a home and you've got a marriage and you've got kids and, and they're there and to hug you, like you're living a pretty gosh, darn awesome life
Laura: Oh my gosh. So privileged. So lucky.
Stephanie: Yeah. Yeah. And, and in tuning out that kind of non tensy hype of order to be doing it right. You've got to take your kids to Europe every year or whatever it is that happens to be in your, in your neck of the woods and, and it's funny because before we hit record, I was telling you that I was on the phone with a coaching client who, as young kids and they went on a cave tour and like, if you're little going on a cave tour and wearing the, the, the hat with the light thing on your head, like that's amazing and, and wonderful and would create so many more memories than then, then kind of being pushed into this idyllic net. Now we're gonna fly for 11 hours and we can't talk and we have to be strapped into our seat and, and stuff. So, so really deciding what you're trying to create for your kids and what kind of memories and you can be a great parent and not do a whole bunch of things that the internet or Pinterest tells you.
Laura: I agree. Yeah and if you like those things great, do them, right? So, I like, I love.
Stephanie: Or you do it because you want to do it not because your tryna warn up.
Laura: You want to not everyone tells you to. Exactly. Like, so like I love doing really intricate gingerbread houses. It's a form of art for me. I mean, I, my husband takes the kids somewhere else and I do it by myself. I they're Pinterest worthy, they're beautiful and I like them and I in no way think anyone else should ever make one unless they want to, you know, like it's just if they want to, unless they want to.
Stephanie: Yeah, we should. So here we, here we go. Laura, we should create a course on how to market for people who hate marketing because the whole thing, the whole, the whole hashtag is but only if you want to.
Laura: But only if you want to, you know, I mean, like that's, you know, I mean, yeah, so I like, I love having people on to my show that I feel really comfortable sending folks to, you know, so I would, you know, knowing this about you, I feel really comfortable sending folks to listen to your podcast, you know, to get your book when it comes out to explore coaching. You know, all I really want for people who listen to this podcast is to know that there is support out there that there are teachers out there for all of us and the right teacher comes in to our lives at the right time. And if that's me, wonderful, if that's you, Stephanie, wonderful. All I want is to help people find their teachers, find their guides. So why don't you go ahead and tell us where folks can find you and learn from you?
Stephanie: Absolutely. The Slow Living podcast is in all of the podcast player apps. And then, if you're in the market for crock pot recipes, that's at ayearofslowcooking.com. And I'm Stephanie O'Dea and I'm happy to help in any way. And, my hat is off to Laura for all the amazing work she's doing. And if you have parenting questions and concerns, reach out to her, because I don't want anyone to ever feel like you're alone because any thought you've had any worry, you've had any fear you've had, someone else is out there with those same thoughts and feelings and Laura can help you navigate them. Absolutely.
Laura: Oh, thanks, Stephanie. All right. Thanks for being here with us. I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom.
Stephanie: Absolutely. Thanks for having me.
Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from.
And if you're listening, grab a screenshot and tag me on Instagram so that I can give you a shout-out, and definitely go follow me on Instagram. I'm @laurafroyenphd. That's where you can get behind the scenes. Look at what balanced, conscious parenting looks like in action with my family, and plus I share a lot of other, really great resources there too.
All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this!