Three Reasons Your Child Might Suddenly Start Having Accidents

Three Reasons Your Kiddo Might Suddenly Start Having Accidents, Regress in Their Potty Learning, or Start Resisting Using the Bathroom.

When children experience big changes and stressors in their lives, such as introducing a new sibling, moving to a new home, transitioning to a new school or daycare, or, as is the case right now, a global health crisis that is radically changing their and our lives, it can absolutely impact their bathroom habits.

Right now I’m hearing from parents and clients all over the world about how their toddlers and even their older children, are suddenly having accidents again, are wetting the bed, or are refusing their normal toileting habits, or even holding for long periods of time. And parents are feeling an understandable range of emotions about this, from compassion and concern to frustration and anger, sometimes all at the same time!

And I get it. Shortly after my youngest was born we went through something very similar with my older daughter. I won’t get into the details out of respect for her privacy, but we used the information I’m sharing below to shift our lens and mindset around the problem, and used the tools I share to support her in coming back to a balance, anxiety free place around the issue.

Top Three Reasons Your Child Is Having Potty Troubles

REASON #1: CHANGE IN BIOLOGICAL RHYTHMS

Human beings are rhythmic creatures by nature. I’m sure you’ve noticed that your kids (and maybe even yourself and your spouse) have a time of day when they usually use the bathroom. We are also likely to get hungry around the same times everyday regardless of when we last ate. We have cells dedicated to maintaining our hormonal rhythm and cycle. And kids are even more impacted by changes in their rhythms. When there are big changes in our lives many many parts of our days can be thrown off. Read more about the importance of rhythm here.

SOLUTION: Return to rhythm! You can download a free workbook to help you do just that here!

REASON #2: DYSREGULATION DUE TO STRESS RESPONSE

When children (and adults!) experience major or chronic stress, it impedes our executive functioning, like impulse control, inhibition, attention span, and memory. For young children who already have underdeveloped abilities in these areas, stress has an even greater effect on them. So while it may seem like a child is purposely having accidents, especially if they are lying about it or denying they have to go, they likely are doing the very best that they can.

SOLUTION: Reduce stress and increase regulation through self-care and co-regulation. For kids self care often simply looks like playing. You can find out more on how to help kids process and release stress through play here: www.laurafroyen.com/healingthroughplay

REASON #3: CONTROL.

When children (and adults too!) experience big changes that are out of their control they often react by attempting to exert control in the areas where they have complete power. This helps us feel like we have some choices and power in what is happening to us. And kids have ultimate control over very very little in their lives. They control what goes into their body, what comes out of their body, and when they sleep. This is why during times of stress we see kids get super picky, start having toileting troubles, and have difficulty sleeping.

SOLUTION: Offer choices and abundant opportunities for autonomy, both around the potty issue specifically, but also more generally. Allow them age appropriate choices on clothing, activities, and food. It’s also important that you understand where your power is in this issue. You do NOT want to get in a power struggle with a child over anything really, but ESPECIALLY on using the potty. No one will win and likely everyone will end up in tears, and the issue can become even more entrenched.

My number one recommendation here is to state matter-of-factly, and super kindly, that pee and poop go in the potty or in a pull up/diaper and you really don’t care which (and NOT in a “shame” laden way!), and let them choose. I know that can seem like going backward, but I promise, it will suck all of the power out of it and give them the sense of control that they are seeking. I have coached more families through this issue than I can count.