How to Talk About Coronavirus With Kids at Any Age

Tips for kids of all ages

Put on your own oxygen mask first: Make sure that you have taken time for yourself so that you have processed and managed your own stress and fears so that you can hold space for THEIR questions, worries, and concerns.

Share your calm: You are their source of security and safety, even for teenagers.

Be open and curious and ready to answer questions

Be aware of the media that they are consuming and help them evaluate it and set healthy boundaries with it (and make sure you’re modeling that too!

 Make sure the info your provide is factual, clear and developmentally appropriate

Empower your children. One of the ways humans deal with panic and chaos and fear is looking for ways to feel connected and in control. Talking with your kids about things they CAN do to help their community or loved ones, and then facilitating that will help you all feel like things are a bit more manageable.

Kids 3 and under

Keep it simple and straight-forward. Kids in this age range have very little concept or awareness of the world beyond their own family, and so in talking with them keep things focused on how things are impacting their daily life.
Your state regulates their state: Children in this age are still very “other-regulated” meaning that they “borrow” regulation from their primary caregivers as they learn to be “self-regulated”. That means that they are very in tune with and alert to YOUR internal states. They don’t feel as separate or as autonomous as older children, which means they are more open to your influence. All the more reason to be taking extra good care of yourself right now!

Create a narrative with a reassuring resolution through story-telling: Tell them the “story” of the time that you are in right now.

“One day when you came home from school we found out that there was a new germ out in the world that was making some people very sick. And even though little kids aren’t getting sick, the grown ups who keep us safe decided that everyone should stay home to keep the germs from spreading. So now, instead of going to school (or the baby sitter, or visiting Grandma) we are staying home together. We are spending our time snuggling and reading and hiking and playing and washing our hands. And even though we can’t be together in each other’s houses right now we still get to see Grandma and grandpa and friends etc. And when the grown ups tell us it’s safe for us to be together again, we will get to see all of the people we are missing. And we will have a party with a big cake. What flavor should it be?”

Rinse and repeat: Young children have shorter memories and need more time to process and learn, so you can expect to tell and retell that story repeatedly. You might even consider making it into a book, you can write the words and your kiddo can illustrate it.

Kids in the 3-5 range:

 Much of the above applies for these kids too. They also need a narrative and find comfort in repetition. They may be ready for a bit more information on germs, viruses, etc. Again keep it simple and reassuring:

“You know what it’s like to have a cold or a fever? Well this is kind of like that and most people who get it just stay home and rest and get better. Those who need a bit of help go to the hospital where wonderful doctors and nurses help them.”

This is also the age range where we can expect to see the most processing through play. You can learn more about why that is and how to partner with them in their play-based processing by signing up for my free mini-course here:

www.laurafroyen.com/healingthroughplay

Here is a free book that’s great for that age range:

https://akidsbookabout.com/pages/covid-19

Kids in middle childhood (6-10)

 Kids in this age range have really started to solidify the ability to take on others perspectives AND they have more firmly developed friendships. This means that in addition to worries about their own experience they may also be worried about their friends, teachers, and relatives, especially kids at the older end of this range. They also may be experiencing a lot of loneliness and sadness too, and you might be seeing behavioral changes as a result. Remember that behaviors are communication, so rather than focusing on the behavior, get curious and get under the behavior to the underlying need. They may need more information and facts, but they might also need you to simple hold space for them as they process.

With kids in this age range you can give straight forward, factual information, but you should also spend a good amount of time just listening and getting curious. Find out what they know or what they’ve heard, what they are worried about, what they are missing, and what they are grateful for. And encourage them to come to your for information.

 Tweens

Now is the time to practice sitting back, talking less, and listening more. Continue to get curious and hold space for them. This is also a good age to educate children about being conscious, responsible consumers of media. Help them learn to evaluate a source of information and question possible underlying motives of spinning a story. Help them find reliable resources, all while staying open and compassionate in the way you do this. Kids this age are particularly sensitive to “lecturing”, so keep it conversational.

You may also have to have some conversations around why they can’t see their friends. These conversations can be very empowering, but also be ready to hold space for their displeasure, anger, or grief around these limitations.

Teens

It’s important to understand what’s happening developmentally for teens right now. Just when they are engaged in the developmentally appropriate and biologically driven act of separating well and healthily from their family, they are suddenly prevented from doing it. This is like trying to keep a baby from learning to walk. It is painful and we need to recognize that, at the same time holding firm boundaries around physical distancing expectations.
With this age group in particular I would recommend checking in on their mental health, bringing awareness to and normalizing trauma symptoms, such as feeling numb, wanting to stay in bed, or not being able to concentrate or think clearly (you may be experiencing these too) and supporting them in reaching out to a therapist or counselor via telehealth. 

Do what ever you can to help them get creative and keep their social interactions going, and again, just hold space for them, knowing that sometimes that means GIVING space, and trusting them. If there are issues that come up, try to solve them collaboratively through problem solving conversations rather than taking a top-down, “I’m the boss” approach.

Ok, these are the things just off the top of my head, I’ll add to it if more comes up. If you have questions, drop a comment or send me a message and I will get back to you!

Build Self-Regulation through Play!

Young children are still developing the executive functioning skills they need to keep themselves from hitting, yelling, and a host of other frustrating behaviors!

Now you can help them hard-wire these skills into their brains through fun games they will love!