What Mom's REALLY want for Mother's Day!
/What Mom's REALLY want for Mother's Day!
I asked over 5,000 parents who identify as moms in my private parenting groups what they REALLY want for Mother's Day...
It was distressing how UNSURPRISED I was by their answers...
A nap.
A day where they don't have to cook or clean.
An hour of silence.
A day where they get to have fun with the kids, but do none of the hard work of parenting.
A day where the kids by default go to the other parent.
A day to themselves.
They spoke to a truth that all primary caregivers know:
That we are tired. That we are overwhelmed. That we are overworked. That we feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated.
If this is resonating for you, today, I want to speak to your partners.
Send them this post so they can see the video that I shared yesterday that has Four Gifts That Your Partner Actually Want For Mother’s Day.
Don't worry, I will be kind and compassionate. Because I know that they are also doing the best they can. This isn't their fault, its culture, society, the way we were raised. It's unconsciousness. But it's also time to wake up! Because once you know better, you can do better!
Share this with anyone and everyone who needs to see this!
Here we go:
Four Mother's Day Gifts Your Partner Actually Wants!
Your partner doesn’t want another $20 necklace. They don’t want breakfast in bed. They don’t want a stressful family outing that they have to plan, prep for, and manage themselves. These are the things they really want for Mother’s Day this year:
**Is video better for you? Scroll to the bottom!
1. Consistent, reliable respite that they don’t have to ask for.
Don’t wait for them to ask for time away, or a break from childcare, cooking, house management duties. Be proactive build balance into your family’s daily way of being. Maybe this means that on weekend mornings they get to sleep in, or maybe on Sundays they don’t have to even think about what people in the family are going to eat. Find out from them what they need a consistent break from and build that into the expectations in your family.
Proactively look for ways to ease their load!
2. Daily witnessing
When your partner says they feel “unappreciated” they really mean that they feel “unseen” or “unwitnessed.” I KNOW that you appreciate all that your partner does! This isn’t about saying “Thank you” it’s about saying “I see you and everything your do.” And you should find a way to say this each and every day.
You chose your partner for a reason. You chose to have a family with them and you agreed to be a witness to one another’s lives. And in the busy, day-to-day of parenting we can start to become passive observers of each other’s lives, rather than ACTIVE WITNESSES to how we show up and impact each other. Witnessing is incredibly powerful, so I challenge you to give it a shot and see what happens!
3. Alignment in parenting
Do you wish you were more on the same page as parents? Do you feel like you get undermined or told that you’re doing it “wrong” all the time? Does it make you want to just give up or step back and defer to your partner? Or does it make you want to dig in and do things your way? Either way, it likely doesn’t feel good to EITHER of you!
If your partner has been asking you to try to get on the same page, if they have been wanting to feel more aligned with you in parenting, this is a gift you CAN give them! This is something you can take the lead on! How amazing would it be to say to your partner:
“You have been working so hard to help our family be more peaceful and connected. And I know how important this is to you. And what’s important to you MATTERS to me, so I’m going to take this ACTION (Read a book, start listening to a podcast, TAKE A COURSE!) as my gift to you this Mother’s Day, so you don’t have to be alone in this any more, and I’d love for you to join me.”
I promise, it will BLOW THEM AWAY!!! And if you’re looking for a course to take, may I humbly suggest my own? If your partner forwarded this article to you they likely already feel aligned with the way I teach parenting, and they would likely love the opportunity to take their learning with me to the next level! And, I’m having a Mother’s Day Sale today that really and truly is too good to miss.
4. A motherhood that they don’t need a break from
Most of the moms I spoke to expressed some desire for a “break” from their typical duties and responsibilities as moms. This is telling. It tells me that their plates are too full. That DOESN’T mean that you aren’t doing enough!! It just means that they are doing TOO MUCH. Them feeling like they have too much on their plate doesn’t mean anything about you and what you contribute. So often when we hear that someone is overwhelmed we take this as a criticism, that we aren’t doing enough. We take that personally and respond defensively, but when we do that we MISS THE POINT and we miss an opportunity to connect with the partner that we love deeply and we miss the chance to SHOW them through our actions that we can set aside our own feelings and hold space for theirs. This can be hard to do, but just remember. Their overwhelm isn’t about you and what you’re not doing. Let that narrative or voice go and SEE your partner in their struggle, and let yourself connect to that so that you WANT to reach out and ease their load. Because I KNOW that would be your natural response to this person that you love if your own stuff wasn’t getting in the way of that.
Ok, so which of these four things are you going to give to your partner??
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE!