Inviting Peace and Calm Into Your Holiday Season
/Holiday season is fast approaching. The season of gift-giving, parties, fun-filled activities and shopping galore (See these posts for gift ideas for kids that support independent play and healthy development without going overboard). Although the holidays give us happiness and love, it can also be stressful and a time where we unconsciously slip out of our true intentions and goals for our family.
Here in the US it’s almost Thanksgiving and this is a time when we often feel a lot of pressure to BE a certain way, to have it go a certain way, to build warm memories for our children. And this stress and pressure ends up leading us down a path that takes us away from the very goals we are striving to achieve.
In this article I want to share how to go about inviting peace and calm into your holiday season, but this really applies to any stressful period in your life. This is especially important right now with everything going on in the world. This holiday season will have it’s own unique stressors and complications, which is even MORE reason to be intentionally mindful of the emotional environment we are cultivating. For more on holidays in a pandemic, listen to episode 32 of The Balanced Parent Podcast.
I have a few steps that I’ll outline below, but I want to preface this all by asking you to get really clear in your mind on WHO is responsible for your sense of joy, peace, fulfillment, and enjoyment.
Stressful situations, busy time periods, family obligations, are all a part of life. And while we can work to reduce them as much as we can, and cultivate a schedule or rhythm (Get a workbook for crafting an intentional rhythm here)that is in line with our deepest values, sometimes we can’t. It is HOW we cope with those moments that determines our sense of stress and overwhelm and disconnection. Often when we are in times of stress and overwhelm and we aren’t coping well, we put the blame on factors outside of our control, like our jerky boss, or the way we are treated by our in-laws, or how our siblings gang up on us, or the bills that are coming due, etc.
But when we do this, we are literally putting our happiness and wellbeing in the hands of someone else. We are giving them enormous power over us. And this is when suffering happens. When we feel as if we aren’t in control of our own lives. And that is when we start becoming reactive and acting in ways that aren’t in alignment with our deepest goals and values.
I want to be super clear that we, the parent, are responsible for our own joy, peace, and fulfillment. Our peace, our happiness, our contentment, are not our partner’s responsibility, or our children’s, or our in-laws, or the car mechanic’s, or the checkout lady at the crowded grocery store.
They are ours. And the amazing thing about that is that it means we get to choose. We can choose how we respond to life. We can choose happiness. We can choose calm. We can choose presence. We can choose peace.
So how do we do that?
Get clear on goals, priorities and values
Sit down with yourself, in a quiet moment, maybe with a cup of tea, and jot down the things that you want out of this stressful time. And write down WHO you want to be during this stressful time.
What are your deeper values related to this time in your life?
Personal example with hosting a party.
Now take those goals, those values and priorities, and use them to set some intentions.
Set an intention
Intentions are a wonderful way to keep your goals and priorities at the top of your mind. You can take a few minutes in the morning, when the house is quiet to state your intention for the day. But also come back to them at peak moments of stress, like if you’ve just been undermined as a parent, take a break to re-focus on your intention before you respond. I’ve been finding that, because I’m washing my hands more frequently, if I jot them down on a sticky note and post them on the mirror or wall over a sink then I can meditate on them while I wash up. This is also an unobtrusive way to help other folks in the house who can read to keep these intentions top of mind.
A few examples:
I will assume the best of them
I will focus on peace
I will be the calm I want to be
Today I will see the light in everybody
There is more than enough time for everything that is important to me
I am good enough
Today I will look for the beauty in small moments
Reduce reactivity so that you are responding consciously and intentionally rather than simply reacting
This means taking really good care of yourself. Nourishing your body with healthy delicious foods and movement that serves you well, whatever that may be (yoga and walks out doors are great options proven by SCADS of research to reduce stress and increase emotional and physical well-being. Also consider nourishing your mind, with positive, gentle, and loving self- talk, and nourishing your soul with activities or experiences that fill you up, rather than drain you. We usually do need to do a few things in our lives that drain us, but we can set boundaries around that, we can limit the number and we can choose to balance those activities with ones that refuel and sustain us. If you know a stressful time is coming soon, plan ahead and make sure there will be time for some fulfilling activities or moments as well. And there is ALWAYS time to treat ourselves with tender loving care.
Model the peace and calm and joy that you’re so wanting to see
When you do this, you put out this aura that is amazingly effective in encouraging calm and peace in others. You are the emotional leader in your home and how you show up has the power to dramatically influence your family. As a parent you have a lot of power and influence over the emotional environment of the home; you set the tone (this is also backed up by research!) and by carefully and intentionally cultivating a mindset and attitude of peace, calm, compassion, and connection, you will be making that more and more likely for the rest of your family too!.