Episode 221: Finding Space for Ourselves While Parenting with Susanna Lovell
/In this week's episode of The Balanced Parent Podcast, I am joined by certified life coach, author of Your True Self is Enough, and speaker Susanna Peace Lavelle to discuss how parents raising neurodivergent children can carve out space for themselves. Susanna shares her personal experience raising her daughter, who is on the autism spectrum, and offers support for families navigating similar spaces. Together, we explore the importance of balancing joy and difficult moments while maintaining peace and grace as parents.
Here are the key takeaways:
How mothers can avoid losing themselves in their parenting role and create space for their own identity outside of motherhood
Importance of moving away from the idea of "fixing" neurodivergent children and instead advocating for acceptance and support of their true selves
How parents of neurodivergent children can practice staying present and prioritize soul care amidst daily challenges.
How to use intentional self-care and distraction to manage parenting
How parents navigate identity shifts as children grow into adulthood
If you want to connect with Susanna, visit her website susannapeacelovell.com and Instagram @mamapeace.
Resources:
Remember, finding balance in parenting neurodivergent children starts with creating space for your own identity and soul care.
TRANSCRIPT
Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.
Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!
Laura: Hello, everybody. This is Doctor Laura Froyen, and on this week's episode of the Balanced Parent podcast, we are going to be digging into the the complicated task of finding a place for yourself in the midst of caring for, her beautiful, big, intense kiddos, some of whom may fall somewhere on the spectrum or be experiencing neurodivergence as a part of their, their neurotype. And so to help me with this conversation, I'm bringing in a woman who's just so lovely and supports moms, especially, all around the world who are in this place of figuring out how to do this with peace and grace and a little bit of space for ourselves in, in the midst of it. So, Susanna Peace Lovell, I am so grateful that you're here. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do?
Susanna: Sure. First of all, hi, Laura. It's so good to see you. I'm so happy to be here and I love that comment about space because that feels very much like an exhale for me right now at this moment. So I'm so grateful for that reminder. I would like to start off by saying, you know, I have always been in my bones, someone of service, someone always looking to connect with others. I have always been so interested in different types of people from different walks of life, my entire life since I was born. And, you know, that was just sort of innate in terms of my personality and being. And so I always remembered growing up just being so interested in people's stories and, you know, especially differences, right? So, you know, that is sort of the beginning of who I am today at age 51. I am, you know, I like to say that I have always been a life coach, but I have been a certified professional life coach for probably 15 years now. I work a lot with disability families. This is also my lived experience, as I am raising a now 18-year-old daughter who is on the autism spectrum. She also has a lot of fun side dishes that go along with that diagnosis. So, ADHD, generalized anxiety. She also has pretty intense food allergies, so I would say her profile is quite complex, and, you know, we've had 18 years to mesh and journey together.
Her name is Arizona. And she is my only child. So, I am also an author. I'm a speaker. I am just a support person here. I'm a, I feel like, I feel like I'm a helper, but I don't feel like I'm a helper of those that are less than. You know, or, or it needs a top down, it's not coming. Yeah, I feel like I'm a helper of heroes, to be honest. So I, I'm here, not in a martyr way. Let's all be together and sort of cultivate this energy and movement forward together. And I love, you know, just being in positive spaces and also holding space for the times that we can't access the joy and we can't access the peace, right? Because it's such an up and down. And as you know, just being a mother in general, it's just like there are so many unexpected things. Did things like kids being homesick from school or just school closures or, you know, fires in Los Angeles raging around us, so. Anyhow, yeah, I'm just, I'm here. I am in flow, you know, to connect with my people.
Laura: It's wonderful. Okay, so I feel very curious about something we were talking about before we hit record, and, you know, listener, just to give you a little bit of a like peek backstage, oftentimes we start chatting and then all of a sudden I feel like the good stuff starting to come and I have to stop us and hit record so that we can get back into it because, you know, just you can't, you cannot reproduce some stuff, you know, and so, Susanna, you were talking a little bit about how easy it is to become lost or not lost but subsumed by your role as a parent, and particularly for moms, and most of the people listening are moms today. And so I, and, and how important it is to, to create a space that is just for you and to not have motherhood be all of your identity. And I feel really curious about your journey with that personally, and then how to go about it. You know, finding that for ourselves.
Susanna: Yeah, so, you know, as I mentioned, it's been a journey and I've had 18 years sort of to get comfortable with who I am today, which has been an 18 year long journey. So I, you know, growing up, I was always obsessed about being a mother. That was one thing I always knew I wanted, no matter how that looked, if it was going to be adopted, whatever, I didn't know what the pieces were open to open to anything but. Yeah, right. If they were, you know, I just figured they would always be coming through me in some way. So I, you know, obsessed to say, okay, maybe I'll be a bus driver, maybe I'll be a pediatrician, maybe I'll be, you know, whatever, but either way, I am also going to be a mother. So I became a mother, got pregnant, got married, and got pregnant 3 months later. I was like, well, then this is just a sign from the universe that this is absolutely. Meant to be, because everything goes my way, right? Because I can control it. I have to make an effort for something to happen. And, she was born and, and right away there were just a lot of complexities. She, you know, required a lot of attention, primarily because of her allergy profile, food allergy profile that took about a year, 1.5 to figure out completely. She had head to toe eczema, crying all day, all night. She didn't stop crying until she was a poor baby, 18 months and so.
Laura: I was, Susanna too. I just have an upwelling of compassion for that young mother you were and and knowing that there are young mothers listening now who are in those stages, who don't know what's coming, you know, 10 years down the road, but in the right now they're, you've got a baby who won't stop crying and a toddler who needs them and it's a lot.
Susanna: No, I appreciate you mentioning that because I wasn't able to access that compassion for myself back then because everyone around me. Didn't seem to showcase so much compassion except for maybe my mom and sisters, right? So like people are like, oh my gosh, you're poor baby, and I'm like, I know. And, right? And, you know, even my husband at the time, we have since divorced, and remained great friends, and I'm so grateful for him and co-parenting with him. And at the time, he was like, well, I don't understand why you're crying all the time. I fell into a deep, deep, deep dark abyss of postpartum anxiety and depression. And, he was like, well, isn't this what you wanted? And I'm like, yeah, it's not like this. It not like this. So anyway, so, you know, coming through, to make sure I can answer your question because I can wind around and go, that's good.
Laura: So we're, we're talking about kind of, yeah, how you figured out that you needed to reclaim a part of yourself for yourself.
Susanna: Yes, so the first couple of years, I literally was like, okay, well, hey, you know, I was kind of almost fueled. So I was getting treatment for my postpartum anxiety and depression. So maybe by the time Arizona was 23, I was still, I was miserable, but I wasn't like taken out by it. and I was able to care for her the whole time, even though I was crying, she was crying, I was crying. We were just crying, we just crying all the time. And so I, you know, remember thinking like, okay, so I think there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel, you know, because her eczema was literally clearing from her body. She was 18 years old, she was almost, you know, getting toward that 2 year old marker and, you know, there was about 6 months of almost happy times.
For me as a mother, and I was like, okay, now, let me try to think about taking care of myself, right? So it was that little instant glimmer, that first check-in, and then, you know, 68 months later or 9 months later, she was diagnosed with autism. So I was like, oh my gosh, but at that point, since I felt stronger, emotionally, psychologically. I had also been exercising, so I felt stronger physically. I was like, okay, now I have something to do, right? I can focus on like fixing my child, right? Because I got so many orders from them, I got into a pediatrician. Sorry, a developmental pediatrician, you're mental pediatrician, yes, and, and that took a lot, lots of, you know, effort and tenacity, and so I just felt like, oh, I'm doing something, I'm moving forward, I'm moving things forward, I'm feeling productive.
Laura: And Susanna, I just want a second wanna just check in with the listener who's who heard you say. Do anything I could to fix my daughter, and I guarantee that you don't feel that way anymore. And I just, you know, for many people who are faced with this diagnosis, that is the message that comes from the medical community. How do we help this child conform and fit and mask so that they can be a part of what society expects them to be as opposed to how do we advocate for a shifting and a breaking and a reforming so that our kids can be exactly who they are and meant to be. But I do want to just, you know, I know where you're coming from, and I want to list, you know, because I myself, identify as being neurodivergent, you know, there's other folks who are listening to, and we, we all know that we, there's nothing, we're not broken, we don't have to be fixed, and you know that about your child too. I just want to make sure our listeners know that you know that. But that is the message that is often given to a lot of parents.
Susanna: Yeah, and not in a warm and fuzzy manner either.
Laura: No, it can be given in a very scary manner.
Susanna: Right? Like, oh, she failed that test, you know.
Laura: What does that even mean to fail?
Susanna: I don't know what that means. I still don't know what that means. I can't stand it. I mean it. It is, you know, I feel so grateful for the reframe, that I, that I am able to access that, that I was able to raise my daughter starting at the age of probably 3, maybe 4 or 5. We got into this really phenomenal therapeutic preschool called Cheerful Helpers Child and Family Studies Center here in Los Angeles, and it was just the kids who weren't in trouble, right? It's just good to know, right? I see there's so much narration going on in the school to know.
Laura: I like that. Good to know, good to know.
Susanna: Mommy, Mommy, my left foot wants to give your face a high five.
Laura: You know, good to know. No, I can't let you do that, but yes, good to know. Right? Okay, yeah. So and so it sounds to me like there was almost a temptation to then take that on as the identity, right?
Susanna: Well, of course, because then you feel, you know, you're automatically feeling like, okay, I now have purpose in my life.
Laura: Purpose, yeah. It's almost a false purpose?
Susanna: It absolutely.
Laura: Yeah, I am in there like, cause that is just an instinctual thing for me, but I don't, it is also quite tempting to settle in and have that be the purpose too, right? Yeah, like another person, I don't know that the other person's life can be your your purpose. And we go like, let's go there.
Susanna: Let's go there. So I was, I had this weird thought the other day, and hopefully you can stay with me here. But are you familiar with Munchausen's syndrome? Yeah, absolutely. So it's essentially just, you know, when a mother is like making their or maintaining sickness in their child. So either giving them something that's making them sick or poisoning them slowly, but they get so much attention for having this sick child.
Laura: I mean, being the mother who's caring for the sick child. So it's a, it's a mental health disorder that is given to the mother, the diagnosis is given to the mother because the mother is benefiting in some way from a community standing standpoint or just the resources that are being given to her. By her suffering through helping this child. Yeah.
Susanna: Yes. Okay. So, I don't know if there's a disorder for a situation where then, you know, a mother like myself sort of fighting the good fight. And all of a sudden getting so much attention. Oh my gosh, you're doing such amazing work, Susanna. Like, I can't imagine, I don't know how you do it, right?
Laura: And so that's it's hard, the ego likes that, right? The ego, and I think that that's why we see so many like autism moms on Instagram and TikTok, right? Because they have an ego like that. They, the ego likes that feedback and it's, and at the same time, It's harmful. I think it's harmful to the kid, and it's harmful to the parent too.
Susanna: Yes, and I think that probably is born from, okay.
Laura: From a good place, birth from a good place.
Susanna: Birth from a good place, but then all of a sudden the lines get blurred because you're making your child, your absolute focus. And I'm not saying that there aren't times where it is absolutely necessary to draw. everything and just focus on your right now in that moment, right? Okay I'm talking about something different in terms of just always leading with, oh, yeah, well, you know, I'm a special needs mom, that is accurate, right? And, just, you know, sort of creating it as a way to heal the place in yourself that is feeling so much grief and mourning around things not being as you expected them to be coming into motherhood. So, it's so understandable, you know, that there could then be like, how can we band-aid this a little bit more, like what would feel good. At this moment, maybe it's getting 100,000 followers on Instagram, or maybe it's showcasing every little thing about my child's life and everyone's saying, oh my gosh, you're such an amazing mom. Whatever it is, like, I get it. I understand that. We just have to have so much compassion with ourselves. I'm saying I overlooked the mourning and the grieving. I just went straight from my, how to like warrior mom, like, let's go, you know, and so I had to go back and fill in all of the little, you know, nooks and crannies in my being that just were so hurt were just hurting, you know, even now, today, there's so many things that come up, you know, where I'm just like, okay. Let's look at that. Let's see where that is gonna take me.
Laura: Sometimes, my audience knows that I have a kid with autism too, who's a joyfully autistic, teenager now. Yeah, she's awesome. And then I have another kid who's spirited and complex and likely, you know, has an ADHD flavor brain like mine is, you know, and so, like, we're all just kind of spinning around in this house that is, you know, full of big feelings, full of, of brains that work really differently from each other, you know, and it does feel sometimes like there isn't room. For me as a mom. It does, it does feel that way sometimes. And, and on the, like, on the one hand, like, that's part of what we signed up for, right? So we signed up to be parents. We signed up to have these, these kids, not just as a, as a kind of a, like a physical being in our world, but we signed up for a relationship, a lifelong relationship that will continue even after we're gone. You know, because even when we are, we are gone and buried in the ground, they will still have a connection to us, an emotional memory connection, right? And so, like, that's what we signed up for. We signed up for this relationship. It is awesome, the responsibility of it. And when there's these added complications, it can be all consuming. And it feels like there's very little space sometimes for, for anything else, and I'm kind of curious about how you got, how do you get out of that? How do you get out of that feeling of like there is no space for me right now, and like, and to kind of see your way out of it, you know?
Susanna: Yes, yes. So one thing that I have just been having to practice because I have no other choice, over the last, you know, 18 years. That is, I have to remind myself to just come back to the present, come back to the present, come back to the present. One of the mantras that I say to myself every day, like multiple times a day, is, well, two things. Number one is, okay, what's real and true for me right now? What is real and true for me right now? Circumstantially, environmentally, what's happening physically, emotionally, what's real and true? Number two. How can I experience, you know, soul care, like real soul care for myself within the next 30 minutes, within the next hour, within the next, you know, a couple of hours today at some point.
Laura: What does soul care mean to you? Tell me a little bit about that.
Susanna: Yeah, I just, you know, I think we talk about self-care a lot, and self-care for me is not necessarily so much about sort of you know, pampering or, you know, sometimes we think of, you know, massages or or whatever, which by the way, are amazing and delicious. So soul care could look like that for me someday, but I think soul care overall is just honoring our souls needs and desires, just understanding what is going to be. So supportive and, you know, healing and and and potentially even joyful in any particular moment. It could just be as little as, you know what? I love my friend who's calling me right now, and I know that will probably be a 20 minute conversation. And I know that it's not urgent and I can call her back another time. And so soul care for me right now at this moment is to not answer that call and not feel guilty about answering that call, because I love her and she knows that. And right now, I need a breath because I've just been processing a big worry with Arizona. You know, about fill in the blank, fire drill, whatever it is, and fill in the blank.
Yeah. And so, and I've had this, you know, I've had this language with Arizona since she was younger and was able to understand about, okay, so I understand your needs and your unmet needs right now, and here are mine, so let's make a plan. You know, of how we can best be supportive, supportive. So now she will even come to me and just be like, okay, mommy, mommy, I can tell that you're, your little, okay, how about mommy, I go to my room for 30 minutes and then we come back. Can we just have a redo? Can we have a reset, you know, we can do that now. Because we've been working on it for so long. Yeah, it does take practice. Yeah, it takes so much.
Laura: Yeah, yeah, like me, I'm even thinking about how sometimes when I feel so overwhelmed and so needed. Going outside and like wiggling my toes in the grass. Like that's soul care, right? So you're talking about getting to know ourselves and asking ourselves on a regular basis, how am I going to go about getting this soul care in the next, not even the next week, but like in the next 30 minutes? What is something tiny and small, you know that I can do. For, you know, right now that will be nourishing to me in the way that I need to be nourished.
Susanna: Yes. Yes. And sometimes it's even like making a plan for later that you know is going to happen, or you know, right, that sort of, you know, for me, it could also just be like, you know what, when I have my little lunch break today, I'm gonna have my favorite barbecue chips. I'm gonna have my Diet Coke, which is a little treat for me, and I'm not gonna look at my computer while I eat. I'm just gonna be there. I'm just gonna be present with my meal. Yeah, 30 minutes. That is nourishing me. Yes, even Diet Coke, because it makes me happy. Okay? So, yeah, I look for all the things every day. It now it's, it's sort of more. Of an organic process, but I do find sometimes, you know, I get caught off guard and, you know, out of alignment and out of intention, and then I'm all destroyed.
Laura: Yeah, you know, and Susan, I'm so glad you said that word intention, cause I can see how it would be easy to do those things that maybe if we were focused on them, would be nourishing and would be soul care. But if we're doing them mindlessly and without intention, then they're not, right? So, giving myself 5 minutes to watch cute animal videos on YouTube. It is different. Like when I'm saying, like, you know what, I just, I need some dopamine. I need some dopamine flooding through my brain right now. Like it makes me more productive. My Adderall is wearing off. Like I need some dopamine and I'm gonna, so I'm going to take 5 minutes and give myself that dopamine by watching cute animal videos is different than coming across it and just getting sucked in. Yes, right? So the intention is what makes the difference. I think this is something that we should be teaching our kids too. Like, you know, so my kids are homesick today. One came down and was feeling really sick, like, and you know, we had the puke bucket, we had all the things ready to go, and I was like, look, I sometimes I know like when you're just focusing on it, it can feel worse. Would you like to watch, you know, a couple of bluey episodes, just to take your mind off of it. And that's mindful and intentional distraction. It's distraction, right? And so like, I don't normally espouse distracting your kids out of their feelings, but sometimes it's a really helpful tool when we're using it mindfully and intentionally. Yes, absolutely. And it's such a good skill to be teaching and modeling for our kids.
Yeah, I feel curious as you're, you know, so do most of the people who are listening to this show. you know, have kids who were in the early and mid middle childhood. So it's always fun when I get parents of older kids on the show, cause I, I'm starting, you know, my kids are 12 and 9 now and I'm starting to have the glimmer, like I was like, what the future holds, you know, and I do feel curious about like, has that become easier. You know, like, I've noticed it's easier for me to find space for myself now that the full-on physicality of parenthood is over. Those physical days when they're 5 and under, and you're carrying out, you know, carrying kids around all day and you just like lay down cause your body is done at the end of the day, like it's, that's different. I might feel that way emotionally sometimes now, right? But like, And so I'm, I'm starting to see like, gosh, you know, 5 years when they are, you know, 17 or, you know, 18 and, you know, 16, like anyway, I just feel curious about like as your daughter has aged, has that become easier, has her capacity to to plan with you and to, you know, to make a plan with you, like it changed. I feel very curious about that.
Susanna: Oh yes, okay, so I'm gonna answer this super authentically because I think sometimes, you know, our go-to response is like, well, but it's different, you know, it's different, but I will answer you emphatically. It is easier, and I'll tell you why, because our children are not the same. We are also not the same. So we have, you know, hopefully, you know, skills, gain some skills, you know, found, you know, added tools to our and resources to our toolbox that is now this big. And so I feel like, yes, it is easier to access space for myself for certain. And so even in the hard moments when the school psychologist is calling because, you know, Arizona had a feeling of maybe jumping off the bridge, you know, leading to the, you know, I have the tools and the space and and we have the history of processing through these big feelings because it's not. You know, there's so many layers, she does not want to be alive, right? She wanted some attention from a friend, you know, it's, it's layered and it's complex, but we can go there sort of more quickly. And, and now that she's older, I feel more comfortable leaving her with, you know, different types of helpers.
And I used to be very, very, very, very very, you know, mostly because of food allergies and cross-contamin and stuff like that. But now I have these wonderful, amazing folks who can, you know, paid for by self-determination. That can be with her for community living skills, you know, she loves it. They're like college students sometimes, and she's like, I'm going to the mall, you know, it's just, I feel like, definitely like I can exhale much more. And, yeah, so in that sense, for sure, it's easier. I don't have, you know, a child attached to my breast, right? And waking up every 3 hours, right? And, and managing my diet so that she doesn't get any, right? So yes, absolutely. Yes.
Laura: Yeah. Do you feel as, as she gets older and perhaps will be, you know, living away from you or independently, how are you feeling about that shift? And because that is something too that I think if we pour our identities into these kids who are not meant to be with us, but of course they're going to be with us, right? They're we're gonna be connected, right? And, have relationships and with, you know, with, you know, hopefully with, you know, everything I can wish for my whole body. I hope we can transition to having adult to adult deep friendships with my kids the way that I have with my mom. You know, but there's an identity shift there, too, that has to happen, right? And so there's this piece of like, it's not so much that we need to find a new identity and just settle there. It's more that we need to find the skills of continually uncovering who we are gonna be in these new phases of life, right?
Susanna: Yes, absolutely, absolutely. I love that. Yes, I was just telling my mom the other day. I was like, Mommy, You're my friend. Like you're finally my friend. Like I really feel that way, you know, I still call her mommy too.
Laura: I love that you still call her mommy.
Susanna: I do.
Laura: I love that so much.
Susanna: Mommy, I need you.
Laura: My sister's, like my 15 year old son, still calls !!! her mommy, and I think it is the best thing ever. He's like taller than her, she's little, so she's really short and oh my God, he's taller than her. Bigger than her in every way, and he was like, he still calls her mommy. I just love it. I love it when kids can have that, like just an unselfconscious relationship with their parents, you know, yeah, and we could totally just got off. Yeah it's spicy brains, yes, but yeah, I guess I, what I'm asking you is I'm kind of curious about in this place where you are now, do you start to see, are you starting to see some shifts in identity, some shifts in purpose? Like what's going on there for you?
Susanna: Yes, I, you know, I have, well, firstly, I feel that I have been able to be, you know, as present as possible in the moments that I'm able to be present with Arizona, and I feel like, you know, I, you know, first of all, she's 18 and she's still a junior in high school. She will have another year. She really wants to go to college, potentially community college for 2 years. We'll go from there, right? So we're in our own time and space. And I honestly feel like I have so many other things that I'm so excited about and involved with, and, you know, friendships and traveling and, you know, so many things that I can participate in, you know, sprinkling here and there. I feel like it would be so amazing for her to be able to, I mean, I am saying. I have created the platform for her to just feel like she is able to do whatever it is that she wants to do without attachment to me. I have done my work. You know what I mean? Like, I will be here, supportive, you know, at one point she wanted to go to Korea. Yeah and learned to be in a K-pop band. And I was like, fantastic. Great. I will not be with you. You know, I'll be here, but perhaps I'll come visit. You know, that kind of thing. Like, I honestly feel this seems kind of weird to say, but I feel, I don't feel any regret. I think if I was gone tomorrow or she was gone or something happened, I would not have one regret.
Laura: So, and I just, you know, the listener is hearing that, that's not to say she didn't make mistakes along the way.
Susanna: I am, I am also a very hot mess, you know, a lot of the time, you know, I was screaming at Arizona the other day and I was like, I don't know why I'm screaming, but I am screaming and I just need to scream Arizona, I just need to scream. So I'm saying that too in the midst of my, you know, release.
Laura: Yeah. Okay, I feel it's kind of curious to, you know, whenever I get to talk with, with parents who are sharing their story in this way, I do feel curious how your daughter feels about you sharing your experiences, raising her. I think that all kids probably feel different. You know, I never talk about anything that I don't have explicit permission to talk about. In it, you know, unless it's something that is super general, you know, but I just feel, and I'm sure you have permission to, you seem like a super respectful person, but I'm kind of curious how Arizona feels about your work.
Susanna: Yeah, so that, yes, that is a great question, and, you know, the memoir slash sort of guidebook that I published last year. You know, parenting lessons learned on my journey parenting a child with autism. It's called your True Self is enough. And for many, many years, I've been working on this for a long time. Arizona was like, yeah, okay, that's cool, great, that's cool, that's great. And when we started talking about publishing it. She was like, Yeah, mama, because now she's a teenager. Yeah, mama. And but some things I'm just not comfortable with. And I said, let's talk about it, right? So, you know, because my intention is always to be, be like, I want to share my story to help other moms who are in this particular situation because, you know, I didn't have a guidebook or, you know, blueprint or anything and I felt so isolated alone just out there.
So we talked about that. And so this, the iteration of this, published work is probably the seventy-fifth revision. But, you know, we came to a compromise. I had to take a bunch of chapters out. She didn't want her name in the book. She is absolutely okay with me sharing her name on podcasts and other writing, but the book, she was very adamant and just call me a, you know, and then what else, you know, made it feel supportive for her and kind of like pushed it over the edge in terms of, yes, we can green light for publishing was. You know, we were asking, I was asking her, also one of my writing coaches and editors was asking her, so what would, what would you like people to know about this book? And maybe you can write the foreword. And so she did. She wrote the fore. She didn't write it. She talked it, you know? And then we wrote it. And within that for, you know, which was, which is basically, you know, my daughter A had some advice she wanted to share with readers of the book. Here are a few of her thoughts. And one of them was, your true self is enough. So that's how I got the title. The other title had her name in it, A is for Arizona. I was so attached to that. And so it was very much of a compromise. And so we're, we're always talking about it, you know, and she feels proud of who she is, and hopefully that will continue along with her confidence and, you know, awareness.
Laura: Yeah. I, you know, I do think it's important that you get to have a story that's yours too, right? I think when, when we're talking about, like, you know, autism advocacy and, and those pieces of things, it's super important that the voices of folks who are actually autistic and their experiences are heard and centered. I think that there is a space, so, and room for The family around, you know, to, to get support and to be seen, cause you're having a lived experience. I'm having a lived experience. They're having a lived experience and, and certainly, you and I, we don't want to ever talk over our daughters, and at the same time, we right, we are living too.
Susanna: Yes, that's right, that's right. We could have a whole another conversation about mothers and daughters, right?
Laura: Oh my gosh, because there's that too, yeah, without any other layers of neuro spiciness on top of it. Well, Susanna, thank you so much for being here with us. So your book is called Your True Self Is Enough. But are there other places that our listeners can come and connect with you?
Susanna: Yeah, sure. So I have a website that pretty much, you know, has, you know, resources and things about me and how I can be of support. It's my first middle and last name.com, and I'm going to say it first, and then I will spell it. It's susannapeacelovell.com, and that is S U S A N N A P E A C E L O V E L L.com. And you can find a link to my book there. It's also on Amazon, and then I'm also on Instagram at M A M A P E A C E, mama peace.
Laura: Yeah. And you have a podcast too, right? Well, a podcast that you, you are kind of a co-host on.
Susanna: Yeah, so I co-host this amazing podcast for any caregiver mom who is raising a child or parent rather, of disability or unique need, it's called the Brave Together Parenting podcast and I host some episodes myself. I also co-host with Jessica Pate, who is the founder of We Are Brave Together, an amazing community.
Laura: And has been a guest on our show.
Susanna: Yeah, yes, yes, yeah.
Laura: So I just wanted to draw that connection for the listener. They've heard from Jessica, and now they've heard your voice, and I hope that they go and listen to your show together.
Susanna: Yes, thank you so much, Laura.
Laura: Yeah, thank you.
Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from.
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All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this!