Episode 138: Creating Success for Children w/ Learning Differences with Victoria Waller

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It can be so hard to see our children struggle to learn new skills, especially in school, where learning differences often manifest as behavioral challenges. In so many cases when our kids are young, the advice is to wait and see, and trust that they will do it when they are ready, but sometimes we get to a point where we know our child needs more support than they are getting, and we need help figuring out what that needs to look like.
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To help me in this conversation, I brought in Dr. Victoria Waller. She shares with parents, teachers, and therapists her proven techniques for helping any child to discover their natural love of learning, overcome their particular challenges, and succeed in school. Her methods are designed and proven to draw out the singular genius within your child, whether they’re just a reluctant reader or have a diagnosis such as ADHD or other learning differences.
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If your child has trouble reading, can’t sit still in class, or doesn’t feel like they can participate, then this episode is for you! Plus, there are some great tips for every parent about recognizing your child's unique interests and supporting them in exploring them! For example, in the episode she recommends a weekly news magazine for kids. We decided to check it out and my kids absolutely love it!
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Here's a summary of what we talked about:

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If you want to learn more from Dr. Waller, you can check out her website www.drvictoriawaller.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

RESOURCES:

The Week Junior: a weekly subscription magazine that reports news directly to kids ages 8-14 and gives Gen Alpha the information they need to form and express their own opinions while also educating them about current events. (There’s a counterpart for adults, too! Check it out here: theweek.com)

What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff: a book that answers all your baby questions

PROMISE PROJECT by Dana Buchman: a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping underserved children with learning disabilities (LD) get the support they need to learn

Straight Talk about ADHD in Girls: How to Help Your Daughter Thrive by Stephen Hinshaw: a guide that provides vital information and advice to help you understand and meet your daughter's needs

Newsela: Meaningful classroom learning and instructional materials for every student.

TheSpanglerEffect by Steve Spangler: a YouTube Channel that gives do-it-yourself experiments to amaze friends and make science learning fun.

TRANSCRIPT

Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.

Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!

Laura: Hello everybody, this is Dr. Laura Froyen and on this week's episode of the balanced parent podcast, we're gonna be talking about how we can support our kiddos who have learning differences with an expert Dr Victoria Waller. Victoria, I'm so glad to have you on, on the show. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are and what you do.

Dr. Waller: Okay good. Well I've been teaching children with learning differences for over 40 years, which is a long time. And I always called my children, they have learning differences. I've never used the word disabilities and I think that's very important in this podcast. My children all have abilities. They don't have disabilities and I think now, we are seeing that they're geniuses of our time like Anderson Cooper, Richard Branson, Simone Biles, the astronaut Scott Kelly and many more. I have found every child can learn and become successful and happy. If we diagnose them early, we get them help when they need it, most importantly, and I want everybody who has a child that they have a gut feeling about, something's a little off. They have to teach them with their strengths and passions. 

Too often, we talk about what's wrong with children and we should be talking about what's right with them. It's interesting because I originally wrote a 360-page book, which is really bizarre, because a principal at one of the schools where I was working with the child individually at home and she said, you have to write a report after every time you see him. And I said, okay and every time I'd write a report. She'd say this is a book, I hear it, this is a book. And so I went, I thought, oh this is a book. And I took it to an editor of fabulous editor Suzanne Kingsbury and she radishes Vicky. It's wonderful. The stories are fantastic. It's wonderful who's gonna buy it. I said, well parents who have kids with learning differences, maybe they have attention issues. She said, but it's a story about one boy. 

Parents want to know what to do with their child. Every book my parent gets, that says ADHD. They tell me this, they buy them all, they open them up, there's a picture of a brain, close the book. And she said this has to be a book. Who do you want it to be for? Well I want to help parents and teachers too, and neuropsychologists, the people that test these children. This book is for everybody. Well, I don't see it, it's a wonderful book, but I don't know who would get help from it. I put it away on my desk, my shelf and within two weeks two things happened. Knock on the door and I opened the door and I see this very tall, six ft two kid but he's not a kid, scruffy, you know, hair. And he goes Dr. Waller, it's me Dexter. And I went, oh my goodness Dexter. 

Dexter was seven years old. He was in my reading class, special reading class and I was doing claymation. I was very involved with the Walt Disney company. They let me bring my children to every event they had and he could do, he would build the claymation characters, he would make the actual setup, he would tell everybody what to do. He was seven years old and the principal said, he doesn't told the mother, maybe he'll work at Mcdonald's one day. He's not very smart. And I said you have to get him help, you have to get him tested. It has to be at a school where he is, you know, understood and he has to see somebody like me all the time outside of school. And he said it's me Dexter and he said, I did what you said. I said what? He said, you told my mom I should follow my passions and my strength. So I did! I said Dexter, what are your passions and strengths? Trees! I said what? He got a master's degree from Yale, another master's degree from Clark. He had just received a doctorate and he wanted to talk to me about it and he was going to go for his postdoc on trees. 

I said okay, it's the environment. It's trees. Our trees helped build, you know, bad areas up so that it's nice and believe me, I never thought. And now, like if you look up his name, he is like the major person in trees in the country and he has articles and he has everything and that was just interesting. I thought to myself gee that's really interesting and then another child comes. 

And I had started working with kids as a therapist and teaching. And the mother comes to the door hysterical crying at two in the afternoon. I said what's wrong? What's wrong? They want, they want me to test my child. There's something wrong with her brain. We have to go to a brain doctor. And I went, no, no, no hold on hold on. And all of a sudden I realized I said there's nothing wrong with his brain. There's a lot right with his brain. He was seven years old. He couldn't read or write but he could tell you about every animal. You could ask him about any animal. He could tell you 20 facts about that animal. And all of a sudden I thought that's what my book has to be about. It has to be about what… you know the pregnancy book, It's called “What to Expect When You're Expecting?” And it takes you on a journey every month of what's going to happen in your pregnancy. And I thought that's what I have to do. My book has to be a book, telling my parents what to expect. And it starts out with the very first one is “He's not here.” She is not gonna snap out of it. A paranoid has a gut feeling. The other parent says oh they'll be fine, they're not going to snap out of it. You've got to get them help. So I made my book a step-by-step journey for that parent who has that feeling that something's just a mist and exactly what to do. 

Why there is a neuropsychologist? What do you mean I have to get him a tutor? Do I need an odd therapist? Do I need a teacher? And that's what I did. I made my book different than all books. And Dana Buchman started a fabulous, PROMISES PROJECT in New York where they test, neuropsychologist test, for free. Children from the inner city, which is amazing because those tests are like $7000. And Dana Buchman said my book should be the first book a parent reads and I can tell you about the journey if you want me to. Step by step. So you understand. 

Laura: Yeah, so I love the step-by-step approach in your book. And it has, you know, when I'm looking at the outline, it has kind of every question that the major questions that I get that I'm on the receiving end and that parents are thinking. But I'm kind of curious about what are some of those things that are happening as a young child enters into schooling that get a parent getting that gut feeling. What are some of those early like warning signs that parents can be on the lookout for or noticing when they see them in their child. That should kind of ping in a parent. What are some of those things?

Dr. Waller: Well I think when they see the child and it really doesn't even have to do with a slow talker, slow walker. It's when you're seeing your child in a setting and the child is either being very hyperactive and can't focus. If you were in let's say the preschool class even at four years old I can go into a class and I see the kid that's running all over and can't really stay focused. And I also see not only boys, I see girls and it's interesting because Stephen Hinshaw has just written a new book that's coming out in a few months and it's girls in ADHD. I see a child quietly not focusing. Those are the ones that the parents are mostly surprised about because they'll go but she sits quietly or he sits quietly. It's inattentive. And every time people say ADHD. Hyperactivity. I have found the student that I get in my private practice, are the kids that have been overlooked because they're quiet. 

I had a student, I had this big tree outside my window. I had him for three years. He was a very quiet and attentive. He would, you know, not be listening. He would be thinking about something else and he said to me after three years he says you know you have an alligator on your tree. I went what? I've been sitting here for 30 years and I love the big tree. And sure enough now whenever I look out the window I see Max's alligator on the tree, because the branches and the bark. But I never noticed it before. But he would just sort of go out. So if you saw that when you were younger you saw a kid going from a child going from thing to thing or a child just sitting there and you called them 27 times and they're not paying attention to you. Although with now, the computer and everything you can do call your child 27 times and they don't reply because they're involved in the computer. But a lot of those things the teachers saying your child just isn't picking up things. They could have speech issues. They could have motor issues. There's many many flags and I think with learning differences the flags could be not noticed because they're a quiet child. 

The children that are hyper and running from thing to thing and can see is still like a motor is going. Parents tend to notice that first. They don't notice the one that's inattentive at. And you'll hear it from a teacher. A good teacher will tell you, you know Susie sitting there, but she's really not, when we tell her to do something, maybe she's not doing it. And any of the things to do. It was funny I sat in a meeting with a very very famous person in LA. I'm in LA. It's very Hollywood. It's not unusual to have, you know, parents of kids. And I said you know he's seven years old and I think it's time you really should get a speech evaluation. He has a list and with the list he's having trouble when he's spelling because he's staying it wrong. So he hears it wrong and he's writing it wrong. And they both looked at me and this was a major person in Hollywood. He said he doesn't have anything like that. And I'm sitting there thinking oh Vicki, what did you do? What… maybe it's a different child. You know, they left, I go running to his classroom. I said that out with me, let's read a little bit. Huge list. But because it was something they always heard. They didn’t really recognize. So sometimes, and it can be a teacher saying something about your child or you can just see like why aren't they? They're so smart. That's what everybody will say.

But my child is smart, he can't have attention issues. One thing doesn't have to do with the other. I have never ever, and this is,I'm old, this is thousands of children I have taught. I have never found a child to not have a passion and a strength, and that's what I used to teach them. A parent came in a couple of months ago and I said what are your child passion, strength? She went well, he likes the computer. I said well is there anything else he's really good at or and she said no, he just likes to be on the computer all the time. Child comes in and said, what do you like to do? He says, oh I love to build with legos. Okay, so the next time he was here, I bought him a little tiny lego thing and I thought I would start out by doing that. Give him a little lego thing to me. And he comes in and he laughs and one minute he puts it together and I said, what kind of legos do you put together? He says are the ones with 10,000 pieces. I said can you read the directions? He says, no. Dr .Waller, I can't read. I just look at the pictures. 

Now, I want to tell you something. Laura, I look at those pictures, there is nothing in my brain that put anything together that has five pieces, let alone 10,000. And then, he knows everything about whales and sharks. But I mean like an encyclopedia, I hooked him up with Michael Packard. Michael Packard was the man lobster fisherman a year ago june. He was lobster fishing like he's been doing for a long time and a whale, put caught him in his mouth. I was fascinated by the whole thing and the whale spit him out. I called Michael Pack, We have google now you can find everybody. And I said this child knows all about whales and sharks. Can he interview you? He said absolutely, we read, I read to him, he couldn't read, I read him every single article on Michael Packer. We looked at videos and he made up questions. I typed up the questions and I knew because he was smart, he was going to remember what he wrote. He read it, maybe he didn't read every, but he knew what questions he was asking. He sat here like an abc interviewer and interviewed Michael on zoom and waited, paused when he gave the answer. It was amazing. And then I typed everything up the questions and the answers and I used that to teach him with. 

Laura: Okay, I want to dive in there, because I think that this is a big premise of your book and something that everybody in my audience wholeheartedly believes in, that all children have unique talents and passions and that finding those natural strengths within them, are kind of the avenue for their growth. This is something that I think we all believe in. But the practicalities of it can be difficult sometimes. So figuring out what those passions and strengths are for your unique child, I think can be hard for parents and for teachers and then figuring out how do we go about supporting our children, learning through those strengths and passions, especially for the families who perhaps don't have access to a wonderful support system like yours or, you know, teachers who maybe are under resourced and have, you know, way too many kids in their classroom to do such individualized instructions. What can we, as parents do in these settings, in these circumstances?

Dr. Waller:  Okay, first of all, you have to know what your child likes, you really do. I taught in the inner city in Detroit. I can't, I'm sorry I can't give teachers a pass when it comes, and that's why my book is for teachers also, so that they understand who these children are. And that they are smart and they can work. And my step by step will help teachers to see, wait a minute, these kids are smart. What can I do for them? When I taught in the inner city in Detroit there were 40 desks. 40 desks, there were no pencils, no books, nothing and that started Vicky Waller begging and borrowing from every person I ever met. I go into stores, I go into toy stores, I got everything. 

The children were supposed to do something like the American revolution. These kids in the inner city of Detroit in the seventies were not, they did not care about the American Revolution. And they said well you could do the principal said well the United States. I said I think that would be good. Let's do the United States. I had the children, I taught them how to write letters and they wrote letters to their relatives who wrote letters. Notice there was no, there was no email. Wrote letters to all their relatives. I got stamps. I got everything donated. Then we put up the whole room became the United States and when they and they all received letters back which was really interesting. A lot of the appearance were from the south relatives and we put the letters up in every state and they learned about States. 

If a teacher, if a parent knows - okay. Even teachers, when they're giving something to do, like whatever they're studying. Maybe this child, an art, this child who did the shark out of clay. He made a shark, of which I've never seen before in my life, unbelievable, with feet sticking out of the mouth because Michael Packard was stuck in there. I think if teachers read my book, if parents read my book, they know, okay. The child's not gonna snap out of it. Okay, how do we get testing? You can get testing in schools, you can get free testing in schools. And I'm telling you, they're as good as a neuropsychologist who costs $7,000. Parents have to accept their child for who they are. If they need medication then they have to accept. That's like if you need medication for maybe you have something wrong with you, you take a little bit of medication. You have to hire the right person. Sometimes, can I tell you? Fine. I have a doctor big deal. Vicky Waller's done it for 100 years. She is a doctor. Guess what Your second grade teacher that your child loves and she's been teaching for 50 years or five years. But she's gifted and loves your child, that's the person you get. So you don't have to have a doctor necessarily. 

You can have the favorite teacher. I had a girl I met the other day, we were sitting around the table and it was very funny. She's 32 and she said, I have learning differences. She said disabilities. And I said, I bet you don't have disabilities, tell me what you do. She's a famous, she dresses Hollywood movie stars. She's not, doesn't have, she didn't think she had any ability. She has plenty of abilities. And she said, you know, I saw my second grade teacher till I was in seventh grade. She said she saved my life. So it doesn't matter. You have to find, hire the right person or you know, to help your child. You have to have books. 

Now there's so many ways to get books online and that you could be reading. And if a child can't read, I had a child couldn't read. His father had read him every book that I ever would even have in my thousands of books in the garage. The father would read to him every night. So the child was getting it. You're being read to also. The team is very important. The parent, the teacher. If there is a tutor you get together. How is the child doing? Communication is really important. And the most important is finding your child's strengths and passions. 

I had a parent, the child loved doing contests and I never had that before. Contest and she had the child enter contests, and now on the computer, you can find a million contests if that's what your child's into and you won't believe it. She made, remember the heart kisses at Valentine's day, and they have little sayings on them? So you had it was a contest and she won like $10,000 or something, and they put her heart in the box hugs and kisses, that was her. So every child has a strength. And I say that because the children who have differences, parents and teachers aren't looking at their strengths. They’re looking at the things they can't do. We need to focus on what they can do, reading, writing, even executive function. When you think about doing something step by step. Watch this boy do 10,000 piece lego, he's doing step by step. He's got it, we just have to transfer and he needs help. 

Laura: So I guess in those situations, you know, one of the things that I get asked about a lot from parents is that, they see their child's unique strengths. They see, you know, they've worked really hard to figure out what approaches work really well for their child and they're mastering it at home. Things are going really well at home, but their child is struggling with a mismatch with a teacher at school. And parents are worried about alienating teachers, about pushing. And so do you have any tips for how to work well with teachers? Particularly teachers who might be a little resistant to doing things a little differently for kids who need it. 

And by the way, I just want to preface this by saying that my entire family, out of my entire family tree, I have one uncle who is not an educator. And so my entire family are our teachers and I adore teachers and respect them so, so much. And I know personally, from personal experience, how taxed they are? How much pressure we put on them? How under-resourced most of their classrooms are. And so I just, I love teachers so much. And at the same time, parents have to learn to work with them and how to get them on their kids side. You know? 

Dr. Waller: Yes. And it's interesting that you're saying that because I really think during the pandemic, it was really difficult for teachers. It was… because I was doing it and I'm not used to, I'm… listen, I had a computer in my classroom in 1975, that's how old I am. There was this thing called the computer and I would go to these reading conventions and one of the places was Borgwarner, which was a computer. They had just started making these things called computers and they were giving them free to teachers to see if they worked. And I had a computer in this little room that was really a hallway that they converted to a reading room for me because I saw about eight kids a time. We were in a reading in the hallway. And you know why I didn't like it? Because the kids wanted to keep being on this computer thing. They didn't want to listen to me and do projects. They just wanted to be on the computer. 

Laura: Of course they did. 

Dr. Waller: I've had computers for a long time. 

Laura: I remember when my mom was, my mom was a special reading teacher, so she had her reading resource classroom and in the summer she would get to bring her computer home. And I remember playing word munchers all summer long. That’s how I learned to read.

Dr. Waller: So I think it’s very and I don’t think, in college you maybe get one book on reading and there's maybe one chapter on a child with learning differences. I find, if the parents have to really get their child involved and if they… but I think what happens is that parents are so undone about what's wrong with my child? That even when they come to me and I interview them, they never tell me all the things that are right about their child. And then I find it out and I build their confidence through that. And I have learned, it's really…  that's probably what I do the best. And I didn't realize it till this… it was passed over a jewish holiday and the children have to read at the passover table. 

All of my students have a nervous breakdown. You know, they go around the table and they're counting what am I gonna have to read. Of course, I tell the parents,  practice one page for a couple of weeks and have your child read that, and that'll be fine because they'll remember what they're reading. And when I called the father I had his child like 10 years ago and I said do you remember that I got an email and it said call me ASAP, I'm crying. And the father… And it was on passover and I knew what happened. 

The child had to read and he couldn't read and he said I can't believe that he read. And so when I called him this time I said do you remember that email? He said yes but it wasn't that he read, I'm gonna cry. It was that you had given him the confidence to read. It wasn't that he was reading. Yes of course it was, but it's what you gave him. That's a gift. He still has and he's in 11th grade getting all A's and he still has somebody who helps him with his massive amounts of homework. But that confidence, you know when you go into a room, even now I'll go into a room you could just tell that person that just has confidence is talking to everybody and the other people who are like quiet and staying in the corner or whatever. And when you have confidence, if parents can…. The only thing that I know that works is when you have a teacher that doesn't understand your child, you get the tutor outside of school, you get his old second grade teacher to work with him. If he loves playing sports, get him into sports where he's feeling good. It's very hard if there's a teacher, I had a principal who said this child is never gonna go to seventh grade and the child was in kindergarten, I just met the mother the other day in the market. Do you believe it? And now the child like 25 of course he's some fantastic. But she said the child, I said, what are you talking about? The child's in kindergarten just has a little inattention. That's all I had the mother do my step by step, which I've been doing for years. Let's get him tested. Let's find out what we can do, get somebody to work with him. But can you believe a principal said that? 

Laura: No, I mean, I can unfortunately. 

Dr. Waller: But that's why my book is written. It is written like Dana Buchman said from Promise’s project. This is a step by step that every parent, every teacher will understand and go, oh yeah, that's that kid I have. Maybe I should try to work something out, or parents and I find that even if the kids are good in sports, that's wonderful. Talk about confidence. If they're good in sports. If they're good… this little boy who the mom said, oh yeah, he likes legos. If you… I can show you that shark, you'll just go what? And he's not using plasticine, which I use, he's using that real clay that you put water and I don't even know how to do that, with the, with the feet coming out and he just did an unbelievable camera project too. I use old cameras. And if you have that stuff for the child at home, if they love art, if they want to do sports, whatever they want. I know it's really hard now because the kids, the kids are stuck on the computers all the time. 

Laura: Well, it’s not just the kids too, there's a lot of pressure on parents. I think I have a lot of compassion for parents that, you know,  because when we see our kids showing up differently than how their teachers are expecting them to and how the world expects them to. It can create a lot of anxiety within us. And you know, I don't know about you, but sometimes I work in fields where there's lots of privileged parents who are highly educated. And then they've got this kid who's a little bit different and isn't doing the things that they expected them to do or isn't responding to a packed schedule in the way that they're expecting or they're maybe there are friends, or adult friends, kids are responding to it. And I guess I just, you know, there's… I love that you're giving permission to relax on some of those things to just give… 

Dr. Waller: Hey! Wait a minute. Be happy because I've never met a child with learning differences. And I'm telling you when I say thousands, thousands that didn't have that special heart of them and that we're not smart. I think it's interesting on the spaceship. Richard Branson. He has… they call it dyslexia. I will never call it that, because dyslexia’s inability to read and my children all learned to read. So I don't like that word at all. They have learning differences. But he said, they said, how did you feel the 10 minutes you were up in space and he has learning disabilities and attention issues. He said, and he said, well he said the thing that happened, that was sort of funny is you had to seat belts once he felt you let go and you could fly around, you know? you could move around for the 10 minutes and the other seat belt was your seatbelt for your parachute. So they said undo your seatbelt and you're right seat belts so you can float around. 

And because he had learning differences, he unbelted a seatbelt that let go of his parachute. And I thought that was so classic. Like that was just, it was classic. And I just feel that… I hope this book is… the book is written for teachers. At the end of every chapter, there's a box with the takeaway of the chapter and there's a box for parents and teachers. Here's what you do. So a lot of my book, has a lot of the wonderful stories about children and what do you do? You get them tested, you get them… you do, you go step by step. It has to start with the parent. I had on zoom. I had a student that made himself an alien. Now, truthfully, I'm somebody who works with kids who I think are very creative in one way or another. And so I thought it was, I saw his little face, but all the rest of him was an alien. And the teacher called me and went, I can't stand this, why is he an alien? And I just, I had to laugh and I said, I said, it doesn't bother me. I realized in the classroom maybe you don't want them to do that. And I wrote it into the New York Times. They put it, they said, what's different about your time during quarantine? And I put, I taught an alien to read. It's something that didn't bother me, but I could see where a teacher with the whole classroom wouldn't be so happy about it with the kids' faces on the computer. 

Laura: But Victoria, I think that you're hitting on this very critical mindset shift that is so important with kids. You're able to look at that and see his creativity, see his unique spirit and delight in it versus looking at it through a lens of this is a kid who's not doing what he's supposed to be doing. This is a kid who's goofing around, who's making a scene and leaning into those unique passions and strengths and channeling them and letting them, you know, build within the child and then directing them for the good of the learning. It. I mean, it's a very big skill that I think teachers have to learn and that parents have to learn how to advocate for. 

Dr. Waller: Well, that's why you have to get my book. Take them on, step by step. You can't say you don't know about it anymore, if you read this book. That's why I'm saying it's for teachers too. They're gonna look and go, oh, that's what he does. Oh, this is what I should do. Now, the big part of this is the testing and if the child needs medication that… listen, that saying, okay, maybe that will work. Now, you want to try without, you want to try different things fine. But if your child is failing in school and failing in school and it's because they can't pay attention and they have these differences. You've got to get them help. 

Laura: Yeah. And medication, the way I've always viewed it, is that it gets kids up to a level of functioning where the other things that we're trying can have it in a better effect. You know? So it gets them access to the internal resources that they need to be able to do the things that we want them. 

Dr. Waller: And the resources that they have, that they can't do because they're either inattentive or they have some learning differences but getting them help and I'm telling you… You can…  there's always that, that the woman who I sat with who's 32 had that second grade teacher who saw her all those years and she said I really…  she told my mother…  and that's why my book is done, you know,  there's…  it's done for parents, teachers and colleges because colleges, there's nothing about learning differences. They go “oh he has learning disabilities”. No, differences, they have differences. But the children that have these differences, I'm telling you, I've never had one that was not smart and didn't have wonderful interests. I just didn't. And the team, the child's team is very important. Very important, who you use, and if they have a speech issue they need to get somebody to help them. The public schools do have, I have a granddaughter who has some difficulties. And the public school they have, the Speech, she sees a Speech person there. She sees an O.T. there. I mean they really help. It's just not oh I can't afford, it isn't that anymore. There are a lot of people that can help in your school. 

Laura: Yes, I agree so much. The schools are doing so much better now. Alright, so the one thing, as this episode is airing, kids are going to be heading back to school and for lots of kids who do have learning differences or challenges that time period can be really stressful for them and for their families. There can be a lot of school refusal that starts happening and I'm just curious if you have any tips as we head back into the school year here in the United States. 

Dr. Waller: Okay, so here's my book. Yes, your child can. Creating success for children with learning differences and there's a whole chapter on how to avoid back to school hysteria. The most important thing I have to tell you right now. My parents tend to be anxious about their child going back to school to a new teacher. They want to write to them, they want to go meet them. Here's what to tell you. I was a classroom teacher. Don't come to me in August and start telling me about your child all these things about, he doesn't do this and he can't do this and he did… No, no, take it easy. Write a letter to the… email to the teacher and say, I do have a child who is learning differences. Hopefully, your writing were getting him help. I'd like to speak to you in a couple of weeks when you've been in the classroom. A teacher’s putting up bulletin boards, especially after these two years. You know, it might be a new teacher to the school. They're busy getting ready, they don't want that mother father in their ear about their kid and all, they're gonna remember, oh no, I'm getting a kid who can't sit still. No, no. 

Laura: Yeah, they need a chance to have an unbiased view too. For sure.

Dr. Waller: Yes, yeah,  and believe me in a couple of weeks then, they'll be sitting down. Another thing is parents tend to take children off of medical… if they're on medication and I must tell you about medication. It's nothing like it used to be one medication, there are many now which you would talk to a doctor about, a medical doctor. There are many now and they really just… sometimes it's a little bit… they need to just treat their attention whether it's inattentive or being hyper, it's just not horrible just… 

Laura:  It’s very different like it was in the eighties. 

Dr. Waller: It's very different. But some of my parents do take their children off medication in the summer. Then they come back telling me that they've had the worst summer in the world. Or like my students in the book, Alex. They went away the first… they put him on medication, everything was terrific, and then they went away for the Christmas holiday. And I didn't say, I mean, I didn't think of it at that time to say don't forget to keep him on medication. Well they thought, we’re going to take them off medication. He was so difficult. He was oppositional. He was defiant and I said you took him off medication. 

The medication helped that. So don't go doing that. You've, if you've taken your child off medication you have to have a doctor that your child is seeing. Also as they grow up too, you know, maybe physically they need a different medicine. Also, most children in the summer go to bed later, light out till 10 and all of a sudden the night before you're saying go to bed at eight o'clock, no start two weeks before. Just putting him to bed 10 minutes earlier, five minutes earlier for the next two weeks. So they don't really see the… Though it's only 8:05, they won't know by five minutes, five minutes. Otherwise the first few weeks of school the child's gonna be totally exhausted, relaxing them. Every child gets nervous about the next grade. Start reading to them. My student Alex what I loved the best is that his father read to him all the time. And he could read all the time. They read to him as I told you, the children who have learning differences and I don't care what anybody says. They're very smart, I don't care what anybody says. I've seen thousands. 

Read to them, read books, joke books, they have so many wonderful books and the best thing you can get, two things. The Week Junior, it's the old magazine, The Week for Adults and The Week Junior is for kids and it's everything that's happened that week in the world. But like little tiny four inch articles. Kids love it. It is the best thing you can buy. Buy that now and Newsela which comes on the internet. And it's the same thing where it's what went on like Michael Packard and the whale. All little interesting articles for children. Start that, before bed start… Have a little talk if you haven't done that with your child and something very nice to do. How was your day? Are you worried about school? What can I do to help you with that? What are the things you're good at? Try to talk about, so you're really prepping them for what they're good at in case they're going into a grade where it's going to be hard and I know you're gonna laugh at this. 

Every teacher in the world, I'm telling you it's true. The first day of school they say write what you did on your vacation. I'm telling you they do, do that. And every child goes, oh Vicki they don't do that. I said, just listen to me, Let's practice. What was the favorite thing you did? And they'll think, you know, they won't remember any of the 400 things they did. We went on 17 hikes, we went swimming. I said, okay. And I have them write it and then I always love it because the second day or the next time? I see the child, how did you know my teacher was going to say. What did you do on your vacation? I said because so… get to talk to them about that. What would you write? What would you do? Talk about what you did this summer? 

Let's talk about the books they read. I hope they're reading The Week Junior. What was the most interesting article? There's so many interesting articles in The Week Junior. I don't have one child who doesn't love that, that magazine. And it comes every week. Also, in the car, two weeks before I start talking about, you know schools coming up, you're gonna have I don't, most of the time I think they know their teacher. I'm not sure. Usually you get a note saying who you're getting now they hold it because they don't want parents calling them and bugging them. But talk about you know, here are the two teachers in the next grade. 

Do you think we're gonna have a good year? What do you think you can do to make the year a good year? What are some of the things you do? Well, a lot of my kids are very good in math but they can't read or they're good in ideas. Okay, so when you have to write something that's what we do this summer, all remember when we found those, I have five rabbits in my backyard, I just want to tell you that now. My husband goes, oh aren't they cute? I go, no, I used to think they're cute, but they're eating my lawn and it drives me crazy. Ok, I would write about the five rabbits in my backyard. Give them some ideas, because they'll say I didn't do anything all summer. And you know the parents, you've done 4000 things with them. 

Even if it was building with, by the way, I didn't talk about building with Amazon boxes. You do not have to have money to have Amazon boxes, a little bit of glue paper and markers and have them. I can tell a child okay… we're going… maybe they read a story on a boy who climbed a mountain. I take them in my garage, which is filled with every piece of junk you've ever imagined tops too. Right now, I have a coffee, a coffee container, has these black covers, and I'm going, oh, I bet that would become something. My students can go in the garage, they can go through all the junk in five or 10 minutes. They can know exactly what they're gonna make. 

Do something with that. Oh, look how good you are at that. Tell them that the teachers are scared to. I have to tell you I was a teacher in a classroom, I'd be so hyper before school started. Who are my kids gonna be, would I be doing a good lesson? And don't, please parents do not bother the teachers about your child yet. Talk about what they like, they like science. Talk about science maybe Steve Spangler has great science stuff on the Youtube. You can watch those doing some experiments with your kids if they like that. 

Talk about what their schedule is gonna be. Oh so you're gonna be doing sports on Tuesday and what would you like to do in art class? Because you like art so much. Talk about what their schedule is gonna be. Check this class list. Are there kids that he really likes in the class? You'll get that about two weeks before. if there are, say let's get together, we haven't seen him all summer. Because sometimes you don't see your friends. That alleviates anxiety because you're with that. Yeah you'll know. Okay.  Before school, the weekend before, do a family thing, go on a hike, have a swim contest. Have friends over. I had a bark mitzvah for my dog and my student had a hamster mitzvah for his hamster which was hilarious. Have something fun. And by some of the kids over from his class. 

Once school starts, it's very important. One parent at least should be putting the child to bed even if they’re in fifth grade. They go in bed, you sit on the bed with them just talking about what you did this summer. Wasn't that fun or what book did we read you or whatever? Maybe you'll be seeing Miss Smith who's gonna be your tutor. So don't worry we will have somebody to help you with your work. I find the one parent said to me, he's so oppositional defiant and he just loves coming to you. I said I'm not his mother and you know I'm building projects out of used cameras that I buy on amazon. If you read a book about the baseball player, I have them build using hot glue a camera and paper and maybe a little styrofoam top for a head and they make characters out of an old camera. You have old remote controls. Oh they make fantastic people. 

They make people I mean do things like that and talk to them at bedtime about things they're good at and you'll be with Jimmy, you like him so much. These are all things that I think reduce the child's anxiety and reduce your anxiety because parents all have anxiety. And it’s just one day at a time, but I would start two weeks ahead with a little bit every single day. And if they're seeing a therapist or a tutor, have them start like a week or two ahead. They'll remember that they like being with them and just keep reading to them, just read to them, get them back into that feeling of listening and if they need to be tested, get them tested and if they need somebody to help them. That's the most. That's number one in my book. They may need help and they're such good. I'm telling you, there's such good teachers at school who like your child and probably would like to tutor them, maybe after school to help them. But you have to get help for your child. That's the most important thing. And you know, use their passions and strengths and after they're in school for that couple of weeks and you want to write the letter to the teacher, maybe could we meet like October first. And don't get scared. Oh, it's a month, that first month, everybody's just getting used to everything. 

Meet with the teacher. And if you have a tutor, have the tutor be in the meeting too, you know, and maybe they're seeing a specialist in the school. But what you have to, more than anything is realized that with your child's passions and strengths, yes, they can succeed. And that's what my book is all about. My book is, Yes, your child can. Creating success for children with learning differences and that's what it is. And they can all be successful. But you have to follow, you have to follow the step by step and don't be scared. They're smart kids, can you imagine all these years? I've never had a child come to me and I'd say to my husband, oh, this one isn't smart. They all have special qualities. Every child and these are the kids in class who maybe are harder to teach. They all have special qualities. And if you use those qualities to make them confident, that word came up so many times, confident. If they, if you go into a party there could be a lot of brilliant people and you're like, you know, you don't want to get near them. They're like scientists and stuff, but the one that exudes confidence, that's the one that's interesting and they may not be a scientist, but there's something about that confidence and that's what I think. I think it's the most important and you as a parent, it's your number one job and to feel good about your child. Yeah.

Laura:  Well, thank you so much Victoria. This was really a great conversation. 

Dr. Waller: Oh, you’re terrific! I like you. 

Laura: All right. So yes, I'll have links, you know, in the show notes and everything. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it. 

Dr. Waller: Oh well, I loved it. I just really love your… I love everything about you. I was reading all of…  I was listening and reading all about you, so thank you so much. 

Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from. 

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All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this!