ADHD is getting a lot of buzz out there in the world recently, and many adults, especially woman (who as girls perhaps had their symptoms overlooked) are getting diagnosed, sometimes alongside their kids. I've spoken to quite a few of you who have gone through this process and so many of you have expressed initial feelings of relief, that there is a real, true reason that things have always seemed a bit harder for you, and it's not because you're a failure, you're just wired a bit differently. But after that relief there tends to be a feeling of... "Ok, what now?"

So, if you're newly diagnosed with ADHD , or even if you have some suspicions that this may be going on for you or your kids, this episode is for you! I have brought in a friend and a colleague, Patricia Sung, who is an ADHD expert and the host of the Motherhood in ADHD podcast. She helps moms with ADHD get themselves together one step at a time and feel confident in running their family life. After years of serial entrepreneurship and teaching middle school, she has a uniquely practical perspective on strategies for building a life that works when your brain is different.

Whether you have it yourself and it complicates your life or if you're noticing it in your kids, Patricia will help us figure out how to make things a little bit easier for you.

Here's what we talked about:

Learn about your (or your child's) brain and how your ADHD affects you (or your child)
Recognizing you need help and finding the right person (therapist/coach)
Common symptoms of ADHD that we need to look out for
How ADHD affects your motherhood
Strategies to help overwhelmed moms

If you want to learn more and find courses on how to navigate ADHD, visit Patricia's website www.motherhoodinadhd.com and follow her on Instagram @motherhoodinadhd

And, if you're looking for a deeper dive, we will be having a great conversation on adult ADHD coming up in the BalancingU membership. Click here to learn more!

TRANSCRIPT
Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.

Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!

Laura: Hello everybody! This is Dr. Laura Froyen, and on this episode of The Balanced Parent Podcast, we are going to be demystifying ADHD. Whether you have it yourself and it complicates your life as a parent or if you're noticing some of that coming up for your kids, we're going to dig into it and figure out how to make things a little bit easier in your life. And to help me with this conversation, I'm bringing in a friend and colleague and an ADHD Expert, Patricia Sung. Patricia, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. Thanks for coming. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do?

Patricia: Thank you. I'm so excited. Okay, I am formally a middle school teacher and all paths lead down this sem. Crazy path where everything came together and now I've taken my background with teaching and having a PhD myself and put it all together. And now, I teach moms how to live well with their ADHD. And that comes from just from myself when I had my kids, I couldn't find much like any kind of resources on how like, I was struggling so much and I couldn't find anything to help me. And it was a clear moment of like, if not you, then who? And so, now I have a podcast called Motherhood in ADHD. And it's been almost three years now that's been going which is crazy to think, three years, well. And I teach classes on you know how to get your crap together for moms like understanding how we can make daily routines that make sense for us that are mom-friendly but also ADHD-friendly. And just putting together those pieces to understand who you are and how your brain works and how do you make a life that works for you given that your brain is different. And there's a good chance that also one or more of your kids also has a brain that's different and how do you make that work for your family.

Laura: Can we talk a little bit about that then? Like what is different about a brain with ADHD? And how does it impact your daily life?

Patricia: So it's interesting because I mean obviously we can't look inside brains while you’re alive. So you know, a lot of it is a little bit mysterious in that you know if they started poking around your brain, you'd be dead. So they don't do that.

Laura: Of course.

Patricia: A lot of what we do, you know what, we're looking at is theory. And you know, quality scientific research and we're making our best guesses. But in the simple version is that it's a neurological medical condition and our brains connect in a different way. So structurally, our brain is different than other people but more importantly is how it affects your life. So when you're looking at your overall life, ADHD affects every part of your day, of your life, of your relationships, your work, your parenting, every single part of your life is affected by ADHD.

So there's no safe haven or you know time out area where it doesn't affect how you function and how you interact with people. And you can see that in a lot of different ways. Practically speaking, there's the obvious stuff that we always hear about, where, you know, some people are more hyperactive and you see their energy in a physical manifestation. You see them moving. You see that five year old kid who's jumping off things and can't sit still and is running around, but that's only a sliver of what it is.

There's also hyperactivity in your mind where your brain always is going. Your thoughts are always moving a lot of times that looks like anxiety or obsessive compulsive thoughts and intrusive thoughts that come in where your brain just never stops moving. It's always going and it feels very loud in your head. You can see that in the lack of planning skills and a lack of organization and having trouble prioritizing.

Laura: Can I just jump in? Like why is that hard for folks with ADHD to organize the plan? Yeah.

Patricia: Our executive function is not so great and that is like the conductor of the orchestra for your brain. So while you might really have a fabulous woodwind section or maybe your drums are just on point when you put them all together, they don't sync up well and they have trouble coordinating with each other. So while you might be really good at keeping things organized like in this small box, when you look at it in the bigger picture, you have struggle with doing the multiple things at the same time.

So like if you're working on so you're cooking dinner and then your kids interrupt you with some kind of question and then you forget the dinner and you go help them with their homework and all of a sudden dinner's burning, it's like your conductor couldn't do all the things at the same time, so dinner got forgotten because you're attention shifted to homework problems or someone fighting or hey quit jumping off that thing and your brain just doesn't do all the things at the same time. Well, so we're not good multitaskers if you will. And that's really hard as a parent because that is parenting, parenting is always multitasking.

The whole concept of multitasking is a live brain, It's your brain shifting from task to task. Your brain actually can't do that many. Like they can't do multiple things at one time but some people are much better at shifting back and forth and being like dinner still okay kids reading dinner still okay kids reading and for people with ADHD.

It's like once we switched away from dinners, okay we head down the path of homework and we never remember to circle back to the dinner is okay so our brain functions differently and that's a really good thing for a lot of stuff but it's a huge struggle in other ways and usually that's the part that we see when we have it is all the struggles and how it is making our life really difficult and how it's hurting the people around us. And a lot of times we don't feel like there's much strength to it. It really just feels like a detriment and in a really big struggle to overcome.

Laura: So a lot of adults, especially women who are under diagnosed when it comes to ADHD, children are much less, girls are much less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. Two haven't recognized and we're very good at passing in that way. I think that that's getting better but it's not there yet. And so for lots of us who are adults and we start hearing someone like you start talking about symptoms are ways to know that you might have ADHD.

It can be like yes okay so this is explaining a lot. This is explaining why things are so hard for me why things that seem easy for other people are not easy for me. Maybe nothing is wrong with me. Maybe I just have a difference in how my brain works. And so for those parents who are kind of waking up to like oh wow this is something that's been there my whole life. And now I'm just recognizing it what is the next step for them and making their life a little bit easier.

Patricia: So I always recommend first that you um talk to a professional who understands ADHD. Um and look at getting a diagnosis and a lot of people will say like, oh I don't really need a diagnosis because fill in the blank whatever reason is. But I always recommend that first because ADHD comes with so many. I like to call them friends, separated friends. Things like anxiety and depression. And a lot of times women will be diagnosed with those or chronic fatigue or bipolar.

Like the list goes on and we get all these other mental health diagnoses because those are the things that are screaming and needing attention. But the root of them, that's the ADHD. If you're dealing with your ADHD, then you're able to so much better deal with all the other things. So the first place to start is to find someone who truly understands adult ADHD which is I understand sometimes it feels like looking for a unicorn. But finding somebody who can truly tell you like is this what you're dealing with And also what other things are you dealing with? Because it becomes this like tangled necklaces, not don't deal with all the whole picture and you're just trying to fix one necklace. It's like, well, but now you're tangling the seven other necklaces that are in the ball with it.

So you can't really deal with just one. Like you can't just deal with the anxiety and just, okay, well I'm just gonna take this anxiety medicine and that's gonna solve my problem. No, you have anxiety because you're so stressed about forgetting something or your mind is always going well. If you deal with the root then you can, you know like domino out. So that's the first step is seeing someone who can help you and figure out what else you're dealing with because it's rarely ever just HD.

Laura: So how do you go about finding someone like that? I think that this is one of the biggest struggles when you're recognizing you need help finding the person who's right for you. How do you go about finding someone, a therapist who is well versed in adult ADHD? Like what do you even look for?

Patricia: Well first, if you can find a referral, that's really the best place to start is to find someone else with ADHD. Who says yes, I like my doctor. But if you are like if you're not comfortable asking around or you don't feel it's funny cause people are like well I don't know anyone else who's dealing with this and I'm like well there's like almost 10% of the population that does.

So chances are you two just haven't said anything either is that if you're not comfortable speaking up for sharing yet because it's still like super scary and you're not sure like do I even want to admit this out loud? Is that you can contact your insurance provider and then start with that name and just call the offices and ask like do you deal with adult ADHD. If they don't like next new person Because really is something that's not really taught in medical school. It's not really taught in like the basic of like anyone who's helping people in mental health. It's just not an in depth subject on anyone's study.

So unless that person had a reason to dive into it or they've worked in their practice for many years. They got like one page in a textbook In one class in school and that's it. It's not the medical professionals fault that they don't have that experience because you know if they weren't taught in school they were taught in school but that doesn't mean that you should suffer with subpar care because like one of the things that I always say like you don't go see the podiatrist for you know a heart issue and you don't ask your dentist to look at your ankle like you want to see the professional that truly understands and is experienced with that area and they do exist. It's just a matter of finding them.

Laura: Yeah. One thing that I don't know about you but I found helpful is for those therapists that if you're looking on like their their psychology today profile. There are some therapists who lifts just a few specialties you can tell that they're really specialized, whereas there's other ones who are casting a wide net, you know, with their tags and their interests and their focus is and they have they list everything and you don't want one of the people who lists everything right?

You want a true specialist. So if they've got ADHD and anxiety on their profile and nothing else, like that's what they specialize in, that probably is a good person to give a call, you know, versus someone who's got, you know, all every mental health disorder that you can have listed on their page. So specificity is a good place to start to.

Patricia: And like I said like if you're not sure if you can't like if it's not obvious on their website, if you just call and say like literally ask one question like do you have experience in this yes or no and move along? Like I know people that making phone calls but finding the right person because you will save yourself like hours of heartache all the money that you're spending. Like you are paying this person for their expertise.

And if they don't have expertise, don't pay that, pick someone who truly understands you. And even if you find someone who's an abc special and you're like, oh I just don't gel with this person, it's okay. Like I find another one it's all right. Like you don't have to love every person, you don't have to love the first person that you meet.

Laura: Yeah and like from a therapist perspective to like the good therapists will not take that personally. You will not hurt our feelings. We all know that the research on the therapeutic alliance, the relationship between therapist and client is the most important factor in change and outcomes and good outcomes.

And so if a therapist is worth you know there's stuff a good therapist be like oh it's not driving for you. Is it something that I can fix? Or is it something where you need you need help finding someone else who does drive with you? Like that's what a good therapist will respond to you if they take it personally if they you know if they get defensive like you're better off moving along okay. And so you know we've been talking a lot about grown ups with ADHD. But often as you said before you know if we if we ourselves have some neural differences for brain works a little bit differently. You know we sometimes pass that along to our kids. Can we talk a little bit about like I feel like it can be obvious on some levels. We have these kind of obvious markers for ADHD that we think are is ADHD and kids.

And I sometimes think that like sometimes we see very typical like five year old behavior, five-year-olds can't sit still in kindergarten and like that's not necessarily ADHD. Because the five-year-olds not supposed to sit still the kindergarten is the problem not the kid because they we shouldn't expect five-year-olds to sit in desks at all. It's just not developmentally appropriate. So I think it's important to look at the context. Is the context developmentally appropriate. Do we have developmentally appropriate expectations? But what are some of the things that you know you know when that should start pinging the our parents’ ADHD? Alarm bells in their brains.

Patricia: The obvious things are obvious. The parts that get construed into something else are the ones that you really want to be looking for. And the best like umbrella term would be emotional dis regulation. And that's when your emotions are not regulated. So your emotions are all over the place. When you Either yourself or your kid, you watch them go from like 0-60 over. What do you feel like? Nothing. It seems really silly. Why are you even upset about this? Why are you being so dramatic? Why are you upset? Like if those words are coming out of your mouth like.

Laura: But just to be super clear that there's a difference between this with older kids and younger kids. So two-year-olds, three-year-olds, they do lose it over really small things. We're talking about older children here and so I mean the diagnosis like age for ADHD. Is seven really. We shouldn't you know so younger kids will you know over small stuff right?

Patricia: That's the hard part for parents because like you don't have anyone to compare to you besides your kids. Like unless like for me like I'm a teacher, I work with lots of kids so for me it's a little bit easier to pick out what makes sense and what doesn't. But it's hard as a parent when you haven't worked with a lot of kids to know like is this a thing that kids do or is this a red flag? So you always want to look at that. Yeah that age range of like does this make sense for a three year old? Yeah three year olds get mad about all kinds of stuff. It's like well you know my spaghetti is too wiggly.

Laura: I'll never be able to like look inside my stomach. Like there's no honey but you will never be able to see inside your stomach. I know it's terrible. Yeah.

Patricia: But like when you start getting like you said usually you can diagnose a. D. H. D. A little bit younger than that. But it's harder because again the red flags are developmentally appropriate when you're three or four. But when you get to be you know seven and eight and your child is losing it over something that seems silly to you. That's a red flag where they don't have the brake system, slow down the emotions and do what we would consider like having like a thoughtful process about it. They don't have that skill. They're learning that skill. But when you're seeing kids who are like seven and eight and even like into teenage years where

Laura: That skill should have come online

Patricia: And their brain just like zooms in on like every input that they're taking in, the reaction comes out faster than they're able to consider it to think about it. Like the rude words just fall out of their mouths. The yelling just seems to appear out of nowhere. That's one of the biggest red flags to me when we look at that, like when we get into like elementary and teenagers is that emotional dis regulation where they literally do not have the ability to slow down those feelings and as hard as it is to parent that and to deal with it as the grown up like flipside, imagine being the person who control the feelings and like sees the train flying down the hill with no brakes and knows there's going to be a big crash at the end and yet not being able to stop it.

It is gut wrenching and I mean even now, like, I mean I'm almost 40 and there are times where I'm like, oh the had this is not going well, like I can see myself losing it now I'm aware enough that it's almost like an out of body experience. Like I see myself falling apart and I want to stop it. But yet somehow my brain can't and it's like the angry words are flying out like the grown up tantrum really, it's actually a grown up meltdown. Like we talked about that on when you were on my podcast and like the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is like when you're losing it and you can't stop it.

Like that's a really hard feeling to be out of control and where you'll then see that go is that when our teens or kids or even ourselves when we start to fly off the handle and we don't know why and we're not sure what's happening. Then we start making up crazy excuses because we're trying to like explain away like, well I don't know why I just said that or did that. So I'm just gonna make something up because I don't know what the answer is. You know, this is always what happens like when your kid makes a bad decision, you're like, what were you thinking?

Laura: I know or this is why I think the question why is the least helpful question parents can ask their kids. It's generate the response that they think we want to hear or the explanation. And they often don't know why. It rarely gives us actual helpful information. Like why did that make you so upset. Why did you say that to your sister.

Patricia: Right, Like the level of comprehension that it takes for you to stop and be like why did I just yell angry words with that person who cut me off while I was driving. We don't think about that stuff. Like it takes a lot of emotional maturity to say like oh well I was really upset because well like that's a whole train of thought that like most humans don't have let alone when you're asking like a 10 year old what were you thinking when you did that? They're like I don't know. So then they just make up something and so you'll see that pattern of like it comes across as lying

Laura: Or excuses or manipulation

Patricia: Like all this other stuff it's like well but also as the grown up like we just asked the kid to do something that they were not capable of doing, what did we expect was going to be the answer.

Laura: Okay so I think like your big take home message is recognizing that a lot of the problem behaviors that we see. Big angry outbursts, rude. Backtalk lying, manipulation, disrespectful language are the big things that parents really get kind of worked up about. That if we're experiencing those a lot and it seems like our kids can't control it, they just fly off the handle or it just happens. The things that we need this should be raising a red flag for us.

Patricia: I think the biggest part is just understanding how our kids work and when we understand how an ADHD. Brain functions whether that's our brain or their brain that level of knowledge is so life giving it's there's so much freedom in understanding that we don't have to take it personally. Our kids are not purposefully trying to be as angry, they're not digging at us, they're not trying to cause trouble,.

Laura: They're not lazy right.

Patricia: They're not lazy, they're not I would say like I'm gonna totally go off tangent here. Like that's one of the things that kills me about like when I hear parents talking about their kids like being lazy or not trying it's like well you know what your kids really struggling right now and it's a lot easier for them to opt out and say you know what, I'm not good at this so if I just don't try I can protect myself because nobody can criticize me if I don't participate in the same way that like if I do it and I mess up then I feel bad about myself.

I feel failure, I feel shame but if I just opt out and I just don't do it. Mhm. I'm getting yelled at for things that it's not my failure now I can just be like well I didn't try so what as opposed to like I tried and I messed up and now I I'm feeling like the failure plus the sheen. Plus plus plus like all the emotions that go with that and instead of just like, well I'm just gonna opt out and then I can turtle up and not have to feel any of those feelings.

Such a huge coping mechanism. It's a defense mechanism that is very effective when you're struggling. So when I hear those, like my kids are so lazy and they're not trying, it's like that is your kid telling you that they're really hurting and it's easier for them to opt out than to try and fail.

Laura: So what does a parent do in that situation? They're hearing this, they're waking up, they're seeing this in their kid, what do they do besides getting help? You know, like literally in the moment

Patricia: And also this depends on your kids age to like the way you're going to approach an elementary school age kid is different than how you would approach like a teenager. So if your kid is old enough, a lot of it is like just being willing to listen and say like I see that you're struggling here, like can we talk about it? And as the grown up literally just listening and not like trying to fill in the blanks or lead them down a path, like truly listening.

Like when you're a kid, especially once they're teenagers, like the granted, like they think they know everything and we feel like they know nothing, they do know themselves pretty well and if they feel like you're willing to listen and not judge, they will share with you what they think might work, but they're not going to share that with you.

If they think you're going to shut them down or if they think that you're just gonna tell them that's a dumb idea or you know, if you're gonna reinforce, well none of those other solutions were because you didn't try like when we start jumping in, it's like well then they shut down again and then we're right back where we started. So it's that really, really hard job as a parent to just sit there and listen.

Laura: And stay well regulated and leave your agenda and your theories on why things are the way they are at the door and coming, there's this concept from mindfulness called beginner's mind and I think it's really an important like posture to embody when you are trying to figure out what's going on for your kid.

Patricia: Just being curious and being like, I'm not gonna try to solve this problem today, I'm just gonna listen and like think of it kind of like, you know, a scientific research, like put on your lab coat, you're just jotting down your observations, you're not trying to solve the problem right now, I'm just absorbing information so that I can make a hypothesis later.

But right now like let me just absorb as much as I can from my child while they're willing to share with me because, you know when we have teenagers that's like a very tiny window willing to open up and share so take advantage and just listen and like just like a side note, a really great way to get your kids to talk is to have them doing some kind of activity with their hands. Kids will open up and share so much when they're doing some kind of like whether that's like a hobby or like a craft or an art or like lego or any of that like their hands are doing and their mind is focused on that task and like their thoughts and feelings will just like fall out.

Oh okay like I didn't see that coming but it's really beautiful because it lets their guard down because they're focused on the task. But yeah that's where I would start. Besides getting help is just being willing to listen and leaving the judgment at the door, assuming your kid is you know old enough for that conversation.

Laura: Absolutely, as we're having this conversation. One of my clients who was just recently diagnosed with ADHD herself as an adult and has two children who were also diagnosed with ADHD. These diagnosis came in in the last six months and they're really struggling. So she's been on my mind a lot as we or having this conversation particularly because in this family's circle don't really understand even you know the dad hasn't experienced it himself, He's working really hard to get there and understand how ADHD can be getting in the way of so much because these it's like you're describing them you know they don't want to go do anything. Things that they used to like to do. I don't wanna do anymore. You know when they're pushed or pressured they get explosive. It's textbook what's happening. And it's really hard I think for parents to see those things as ADHD because we think ADHD is just not being able to pay attention in class. You know and it's so much more.

Patricia: So many years now all of those things have been described as behavior choices and seeing the like the key word there is that people are choosing to be lazy and people are choosing. It's like well I mean yes I guess they did choose not to do the thing but why are they choosing not to do that? Like people inherently we just don't opt out of things on purpose. Like without a reason there's always an underlying reason when our kids start heading down that path.

And I'm beginning to think like we keep saying like well understand the difference between it being like a behavior choice and some kind of like problem that they're dealing with and the more that I see it the more I'm thinking like I don't really know that any of them or like a behavioral choice like the more that I'm diving into like the world of ADHD is that I feel like most people like are doing that because they're struggling because they're not sure what to do because they feel shame because they are feeling beat down by failure after failure.

Is there anyone who's really just choosing to be like a turd human? I don't think so. I feel like pretty much everybody's got some underlying reason when we start heading down that path. So it's a matter of discovering like is it ADHD or is it some other mental health issue or is it that you know the options are endless but in finding those answers is where we start to find the solutions.

Laura: Yeah. I think you hit on something that's really important is that kids just like grown ups are usually doing the best that they can. I mean I think it's pretty safe to assume that most people at any given point in time are doing the best that they can and on any given day they're best might be different than it was the day before or even any given like our in in the school day you know from moment to moment, we're changing our hormonal like in chemical fluctuations in our bodies are changing.

You know our energy levels are changing our ability to focus or to regulate changes moment to moment through the day and I think if we come from this place of just a really compassionate, graceful gracious place of your kids really are doing the best that they can and if this is what they're doing, we can assume that it's really the best they can right then in that moment, maybe not the best that they could yesterday or we'll be able to do tomorrow. But right then it's it's really what they have capacity for right now.

Patricia: It's also important to mention too, like especially when you're doing a teenage girls is that our hormones have a huge effect on our ADHD. So as you know, your daughters are going through puberty and starting their period's that's a big big influence on ADHD. Symptoms. And that's when you'll see all these things start to pop up and and a lot of times parents are like what's going on? Like chalk it up to being you know puberty and all that stuff but we deal with this cycle every month.

Like it just keeps going every month. And when girls are hitting that age of puberty, it's like these symptoms that maybe they dealt with okay before and they were able to get by with whatever they've learned all of a sudden you hit these big hormonal shifts like puberty or having you know, you know pregnancy and menopause like all of a sudden you're a th the symptoms are like blown up with you know gasoline and the same thing of like throughout your cycle. Like you'll see those shifts in, you know, depending on where you are within the different phases.

Like you're ADHD. Maybe a lot more difficult to deal with, say like the week before your cycle and during your cycle because your body is doing a lot of hard work in preparation for growing a whole human, like we don't appreciate how much our bodies are doing at that time. So, you know, our hormones are literally changing every day. So it will make sense that, you know, as you're watching your, especially a teenage daughter, you're like, okay we were fine yesterday, What's happening today, hormones are happening.

It's not like a clear definitive, like this is how you are all the time. No, like we are women and we change throughout the month. So you will see those shifts happen and then the second time you'll really see shifts happen for ADHD. Symptoms is when we go through a big life change. So when you see your kids switch from elementary to middle or middle to high school, high school to college, if they start like something very stressful.

Like maybe they start a highly competitive sport or like like those big shifts in their lives, you're going through something stressful at home maybe like divorce or you know, somebody passes away, you'll see a big shift in ADHD. Symptoms there too. So big shifts in life, those big stressors are going to affect you as well. So it's not like a linear graph. Like, here are your symptoms the same every day? It's like, no, it should look like a roller coaster because life is hard and it's different every day.

Laura: Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So I just, you know, we're nearing the end of our time together. I kind of just want to circle back to something you said at the very beginning of our chat around. We hear a lot about the negative parts of ADHD. I kind of want to just end on like what are some of the superpowers? What are some of the things that the positives and the benefit that you experience that lots of your clients or that kids can experience by having these uniquely wired brains.

Patricia: I'm pretty sure that most of the human race is major breakthroughs came from somebody with ADHD. Like there's no way somebody with a regular brain was like, guys, I'm gonna take this kite and stand out in the lightning and see if we can get some electricity. What do you think? There's no way, you know, we are the movers and the shakers and the paradigm modifiers and the inventors and the innovators?

Laura: How does that work? Like what is the mechanism for that? You know, I'm not like putting you on the spot?

Patricia: I think it's a combination of, we just see things outside of the box. Like I can see the solution to a problem that no one else sees. Like I just look at things differently and a lot of times that's not appreciated. Like, you know, when you think about what makes a great mom, you think about like the mom who always make sure that the permission slips are turned in and always make sure that lunch is ready and those like mundane lame things that, you know, yes, need to get done, but we don't often like, and I hate this word to like judge motherhood. I'm like, who had the most fun?

It was like, hey, you have a question about volcanoes, let's make a volcano. Like having that impulsivity sometimes really serves us well. And like what happens if we just made a volcano today? Like what kind of amazing learning could we accomplish in that spontaneity? Maybe that means we have to make KCDS for dinner again because I ran out of time to cook and being willing to head down that rabbit hole and you know, I feel like a lot of times were good at sitting with our kids and be like, okay, you want to talk about dinosaurs for like two hours all right?

Like let's get on google and see what we can find that like indulging that inner child is something that is really beautiful and underappreciated. So yes, having ADHD is extremely hard. It is so difficult in all the ways that it affects us and you know the struggles that you have across the board with relationships and work but the different things to find the solution that no one else can come up with like that's where our creativity comes in and maybe society just doesn't appreciate those characteristics just yet. But you know we didn't put a man on the moon by thinking small.

Laura: That's beautifully said Patricia, thank you so much for sharing this perspective with us. Where can folks go to learn more from you?

Patricia: So I have a podcast called Motherhood in ADHD. And you can find it on any podcast platform that you like to have on your phone and the website is the same to motherhood and ADHD. And there I teach classes for moms who have ah they're struggling with their day. So if you want to learn how to get your crap together and figure out like a routine that works or like how to keep up with your calendar and hopefully not be the person that you know skips your appointment for the fourth time this month. That's what I love helping moms do is figure out how to build a life that works for them.

So I have a daily planning for moms with ADHD. And time management mastery for ADHD. Moms as well and a really beautiful community. We meet every week. The moms have a support group and just know that you're not alone. You're not the only one dealing with this and then it comes with all my classes so you can come any time and just be like, I'm not the only one. So it's a really beautiful community.

Laura: Beautiful Patricia, thank you so much for crafting that space. I think that more and more we are realizing that we need to not feel so alone. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you so much.

Patricia: Thanks so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I'm like you're such a sweet demeanor. It's like, I feel like I'm like on cloud nine right now, Oh good.

Laura: I love getting to talk to colleagues and you have a lot of really important things to share. I think that um it's important to hold these things to the light. So thanks for that opportunity.

Patricia: Thank you so much.

Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from.

And if you're listening, grab a screenshot and tag me on Instagram so that I can give you a shout out um and definitely go follow me on Instagram. I'm @laurafroyenphd. That's where you can get behind the scenes. Look at what balanced, conscious parenting looks like in action with my family and plus I share a lot of other, really great resources there too. You got this!

All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this

Laura Froyen, PhD

Laura Froyen, PhD

Balanced Parent Podcast

Laura Froyen, PhD

Welcome to the home of The Balanced Parent Podcast!

Episode 127: Coping with ADHD as a Mom with Patricia Sung